[From "Childhood Ruined! Turns Out Mr. Ratburn was a Gay Pedo the Whole Time"]

The Gay Mafia will stop at absolutely nothing.

Nothing is safe from their clutches.

I don’t know how we’re going to salvage all these beloved shows after the Reclamation Wars.

Too many shows have been infected with The Gay.

We may have to go full Kaczynski and burn all the media, all the flash drives and the CD-ROMs to prevent the infection from resurfacing after the purges.

The PBS cartoon “Arthur,” which has been airing since 1996 and is based on an even older series of children’s books, has just decided that the teacher, Mr. Ratburn, is a homosexual.

Yikes.

Retconning a character to make it homosexual in order to get publicity and praise is a very Rowling-esque move.

The character’s creator, Marc Brown, has been writing children’s books for his entire life and still works on the show. He’s from Massachusetts and isn’t Jewish.

Something doesn’t add up here.

Since he still participates in the making of these cartoons, I can only assume that he’s recently been infected with The Gay.

On some level, I think I get what the author is doing here. And he should be commended for his public service. He’s sending the people a warning.

Arthur is a third-grader, and given the fact that most homosexuals prey on children, we’re surely not supposed to believe that Mr. Ratburn never tried to fiddle his aardvark pecker.

This revelation certainly makes the cover of “Arthur’s Teacher Trouble” look ominous.

Someone needed to point out that a lot of these teachers working at schools now are homosexuals, closeted or otherwise. And these kids need to know that they’re in a complete and total danger zone when they enter school, and not just from the n-words and the lying hos and the school shooters.

There is no money, no prestige and no sense of cultural duty associated with becoming a teacher anymore. Only dumb women and gay men do it now. Gone are the days of the well-learned and respected schoolteacher who would put dunces in the corner where they belonged, and who would beat the girls with a switch for gossiping.

Even the well-meaning college kids don’t do it anymore. They try Teach For America for a couple of semesters and drop out of the program out of frustration because they just can’t deal with uppity n-words all the time.

The only people left are the kind who like having unfettered access to children.

I’m glad that the good folks at PBS are taking it upon themselves to teach children these valuable life lessons and to keep a wary eye on the pedo at the head of the class, scribbling away on the blackboard.

Kids nowadays are in more danger than they know.