checkmate

@checkmate

Anonymous Coward #conspiracy

Anonymous Coward #conspiracy #ufo

it[’]s possible that … were hollowed out and replace[d] by alien technology to spy on people

Of course it’s possible. It’s also possible that Trump is a robot from Ceti Alpha V that got out of control and is now being run by the guardians from the planet Traleclite.

Anything’s possible.

Rev. Ronald E. Williams #fundie #sexist

First world, middle class problem.

If Mommy is supposed to stay home, then hubby has to be able to earn enough to support a family. That means the oh so christian Republicans have to rinse the socially conservative shit out of their brains and listen to AOC. But that won’t happen, so mommy will still have to work so the family doesn’t have to live in a car eating dog food.

SoyBugDestroyer #fundie

Saint Adolf

Exactly how many miracles have been attributed to praying at his grave for his intervention with God? How many people have been healed? Or is he the patron saint of genocide, hate, and master race ideology? Where is his grave where he awaits the resurrection of the just? When is his saint’s feast day: Führergeburtstag?

What a shame Jacob Rees-Mogg isn’t a Catholic. He could use a patron saint of master race ideology, albeit of a supposed white English Establishment master race.

ETA: PRAISE THE LORD, it turns out that little lump of shit Jacob Rees-Mogg IS Catholic. So, I can only presume the canonization of Adolf has a staunch supporter.

Xavier Naidoo #conspiracy

Xavier Naidoo and Kool Savas #fundie #conspiracy #homophobia #psycho

genesistorevelation316 #fundie

kingjameswriter1965 #fundie #transphobia

Why would anyone want to change what God has made them to be?

According to my private theology of God, the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster (the only correct theology of His Grace by the way), first gender is a suggestion, open to personal choice later on. Why would anyone want to doubt the will of God, the benevolent and all-loving Flying Spaghetti Monster?

David J. Stewart #fundie

No real scientist has ever found any proof that evolution is true, none!

Ok, but you surely have proof to substantiate your claim that God created us. Please show us your proof.

Rabbi Yosef Berge #fundie

Lee Rogers #racist #conspiracy #fundie

The Jews are also responsible for false calls of the infield fly rule and ants at picnics.

Will it never end?

But really, this is so overboard. Who would believe this crap who doesn’t **want** to believe it? This isn’t 1933.

Gali Galit, Messianic, Missionary, Scholastic. #fundie

kingjameswriter1965 #fundie

Not so anymore

Right!

But forget the 60s. Let's go back to 1219. There’s a 99.99999% chance your family would have been hungry, landless peasants, dependent on the whims of a greedy master, with a life expectancy of perhaps 40 years, a childbirth death rate of about 70%, no rights, no chance to advance, one itchy garment, no shoes, lucky to get to the next day alive, and waiting for the rewards of heaven.

Which do you prefer, today or then?

Paul Bury #fundie

asked for by the super majority of Americans

First: E3 is a spring classic bicycle race in Belgium.

Now, you, your cousin Fred, your Aunt Betty, and that guy you met in the rest room at the church fair last weekend are not the super majority of Americans. You need at least five more.

action, fairydandy, #sexist

Marianne Williamson #quack

Williamson acknowledged making the remarks and said she misspoke.

What she really meant to say was: “listen up, dork, I’m a politician, and I’ll tell the person in front of me anything I think he wants to hear, as long as it will make him vote for me. I’ll lie, contradict myself to no end, make things up, and damn the soul of my grandmother if it will help get me elected. You’re from a mainstream newspaper, so I’ll say I misspoke. But in five minutes, if I have some dumb shit in front of me, I’ll say vaccines are part of a major conspiracy by the Deep State to control our minds.”

Aimbotaimy #psycho #sexist

Colmaxhoffmann #sexist

females … their demands have become increasing technology based. Technologies that burn oil a non-renewable resource: oil. Oil has become the dominant means of providing the energy for all other forms of energy and technology.

Fear not! The problem is solved.

Most modern vibrators run on rechargeable batteries which can use solar energy. So womens’ technological demands are carbon neutral. ;-)

Bazinga #psycho

Vee vill deestroy zee world (rubs hands together), muhahaha!

David J. Stewart #fundie

Wisdom is making the right decisions. Fearing God is the right decision.

Initium sapientiae timor Domini.

Great, so you know Psalm 111. Good for you.

sports athletes

As opposed to athletes who don’t do sports?

When I was growing up, kids wanted to become firemen, but today they all want to be Dennis Rodman

First, no kid today knows who Dennis Rodman is. He’s ancient history. Secondly, it’s worse than you think: a recent study showed kinds today want to be “event manager” when they grow up. But who cares? If things keep going as they are and the Republicans keep destroying everything, today’s kids in America will have to have 5-6 jobs to be able to survive, so 1 or 2 “honest” ones might be among them.

Colmaxhoffmann #sexist

defluxion10 #wingnut

do what Trump tells them to just like every other Dictator's military does

Interesting. Is that why Trump had tanks moved to inner Washington D.C.? It wasn’t just for July 4th? He’s going to leave them there, getting prepared for losing in 2020? And “his” generals will use them to keep him in power? Hmm.

Uhh, no.

Even if that would give Trump a wet dream, it ain’t gonna happen.

Dariamus #psycho

I’ve been in two relationships with extremely jealous women. I learned two things from it:

1. Extreme jealousy doesn’t follow any logic. One of the women was totally overboard. Even the phone ringing would set her off. I’d put the speaker on and prove it was a man on the other end, but at times she still wouldn’t talk to me for two days. I had to watch every word I spoke. I only spoke in male terms, i.e. I never said “she”, even if I was talking about the cashier at the supermarket. I always made sure I only referred to men. Life became very difficult.

2. Those relationships are doomed from the start. Get out as fast as you can.

secret wiki #magick #conspiracy

Well talk about avoiding an answer, I read through the damned thing in the original and all it says is “is magic real?: yes”, and then continues to discuss vague esotric principles. Not one single concrete example of applied magic, or in this case, “angewandte Magie.” It’s like proving God’s existence by speaking about what spirits are like.

Aborti0nIsMurder #sexist #fundie

Right!

Throughout history, dying while giving birth was totally unheard of. Didn’t happen. Fake news. Abortionist, evolutionist, communist, AOC propaganda. And almost all babies lived to adulthood. That's how God designed it and that’s how it works.

Can I get an “Amen” for that? Praise the Lord.

Caamib #sexist #psycho

I’m not a violent person, but people like this deserve to be beat up.

kingjameswriter1965 #fundie #homophobia #transphobia #dunning-kruger

So why am I going on about this?

Because I’m a fucking asshole who thinks he has the right to butt into everbody elses’ lives and tell them what to do instead of minding my own goddamn business. These people have absolutely nothing to do with me, but I’m going to bitch and scream until things are done the way ***I*** think they should be done. I’m going to ignore all the sinfull hate crimes being committed by my cronies because they don’t bother me. Its only the icky queer stuff I care about.

David J. Stewart #fundie #racist #homophbia #transphobia #conspiracy

the island of Guam, which sadly is being horribly corrupted

Right!

Such a beautiful Roman Catholic island. They should definitely go back to the good ol’ days when Baptists and other heretic Protestants were executed on sight. Slice ’em up into bits and feed their Satanic flesh to the fish.

Wizardcel #racist #conspiracy

Kent Hovind (1991 “dissertation”) #fundie #dunning-kruger

400 times each year

Hmm, that’s more than once every day of the year, including Christmas. You must mean 400 hits every year on your YouTube channel. Young girls discussing makeup and videos of cats falling off beach balls get more.

Kent Hovind (1991 “dissertation”) #fundie #dunning-kruger #crackpot

First, if at all, atheism could, perhaps, to differentiate it from agnosticism, be viewed as a belief, but not as a religion, not even as a belief system.

Secondly, as Bastethotep already touched on, there are polytheistic religions, but also non-pantheistic nature gods, spirits, systems of past gods in absentia, etc.

Third, the system assigned to the Bible god was obviously defined specifically for him. It doesn’t work that way.

The whole categorical system is extremely primative and tendentious. I wrote my thesis about the same time and my professor would have been livid if I had attempted to include such a juvenile definition.

wizardcel #homophobia #psycho

Tina Toon (Garrison) #wingnut

I grew up in the sixties. Hippies. Anti Vietnam War demonstrations. Love-ins. Communes. Black Panthers. Free love.

My grandmother was sure civilisation was doomed. We were sure no far right-wing nutjob could *ever* become president. Now we all know how that turned out.

And just what does Tina Toon (Garrison) think should be done? After all the bitching, does she offer a solution?

Brian Boquist (R) and several Oregon militia groups and r/The_Donald users #wingnut #psycho

its members are “willing to put their own lives in front of these senators’ lives.”

First, nobody’s threatening the senators’ lives; second, their conviction to be “willing to put their own lives in front” will last until somebody offers them a can of Bud lite. Then the senators are on their own.

And it’s climate change we’re talking about here, right? The militias are willing to die to help the Republicans’ politically motivated denial of climate change? To die for it, as in dead? As in for real dead? Not just play dead, like on the internet?

It used to be “give me liberty or give me death.” Now it’s “You want me to accept that there’ll be a 4°F increase in ocean temperature? You’ll have to kill me first!”

PersistentMan #fundie #god-complex

Well then, why don’t you bring this up with God? I’m sure he’d be interested to hear what you have to say.

Oh wait, sorry, I forgot you don’t believe in making decisions for yourself: “GO TALK TO GOD ABOUT IT, DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLD!” Better so?

Minnesota Prayer Caucus #fundie

demanding that the Society schedule someone who represented their point of view

As a response, the Historical Society should have invited a Jesuit to come talk as a representative of the Christian perspective. The Prayer Caucus would have gone off the deep end. :-)

Little Light Studios #fundie

there must be a sinister plot behind all the imagery.

Just imagine! Ten years, a saga of films, all that imagerry, a sinister plot, Biblical themes, a war between Christ and Satan, the end of the world …

And not a goddamned thing happened. Bummer.

Richard Sigmund #fundie

Hunter Wallace #racist #dunning-kruger

Chief Justice Roger Taney

Where is his grave? I’d like to know so I can go piss on it.

Actually, rumor has it Trump wants to put him on the $20 bill instead of Harriet Tubman. Something about his being a “fine person.” Is that rumor true?

Patsy Lambert

David J. Stewart #fundie #sexist #conspiracy

I strongly recommend listening to Alexander Scourby read the King James Bible

And just where can I go to hear him? Oh wait, you mean listening to a recording. Without technology? Ok, on 78 rpm mono records? On cassette tapes? 8 track? Or youtube/mp3? But that’s technology.

Now I’m confused.

Paul McGruie #conspiracy #crackpot

Brian Chan #fundie

Michael Paulwitz #racist

@TheKingOfRhye

Aren't people like this usually in favor of that sort of thing anyway?

Yes and no. It depends on which German word was used in the original, e.g. Solidargemeinschaft, Wohlfahrt, Sozialstaat, or something else. Germany has an integrated, tightly knit, and generally well run system of health care, pensions, welfare, insurance, etc. which depends on a common contribution by all to work. Almost everybody benefits from it in one way or another and it’s not really controversial, at least not in the way the half ass, dysfunctional “system” (if one can call it that) is a bitching point in the US.

Fish-Eyed Fool #psycho #transphobia

Michael Paulwitz #racist

Paulwitz … Murswiek

Indigenous Germans? Paulwitz und Murswiek sound like dirty Polak Slavic names to me. Get those two working in the ditches where they belong.

Therealredpill #racist

to become a minority in our own lands

Your own lands? How is it yours?

This land is your land, this land is my land … This land was made for you and me.

Tucker Carlson, James Panero, #conspiracy

The change to metric could actually be made very easy, just by tweaking some of the terminology for a few years until it’s not necessary anymore.

For instance, call a liter a “metric quart”, half a kilo a “metric pound”, a kilo a “metric double pounder”, a meter a “metric yard”, a kilometer a “short mile”. That way the dumbos can associate with values they already know and don’t want to abandon. The rest would just fall into place.

Then when they start saying things like “30° is hot? that doesn’t sound right”, start a massive media campaign mocking them for being horribly stupid and childish, making sure they feel embarrassed when they keep bitching. ;-)