Again, unbeknownst to us, the college our son attended was quite liberal – left of Berkeley where my husband went to college. He started a rock band and wrote some amazing music! He really seemed to come into his own. We fully supported him and his band as we truly saw his talent.

[...]

His band lost their drummer and ultimately found a new drummer who was transitioning from female to male. The band prided themselves as supporters of women’s rights and LBGTQ+ issues, and they soon had their “shtick”. I cautioned my son that he may want to reconsider this label if he really wants to get a career in music as this decision may limit the band’s appeal to a variety of audiences. My advice went unheeded. That was around the time he started to separate from our family.

Soon he showed up with painted nails. He had the LBGTQ+ flag hanging on the wall of his apartment. He pierced his ears and wore heart earrings – he told me he bought me the same earrings for my birthday so we could be “twins”. He brought a purse to an outing for my husband’s birthday with our daughter. The kicker was at a family dinner for my 60th birthday in 2024. My oldest brother asked me if my son’s band added a new girl member, as he had seen a recent video of a live performance. He said he thought she was really cute – and then realized it was our son dressed in drag.

[...]

Like all parents in this nightmare, we grieve every holiday and birthday. I grit my teeth and smile as my mom friends share the joyful news of their children getting their dream jobs, getting married, having babies. There is a gaping wound in me where our son had been, and it doesn’t take much to reignite the pain.