( Part 3 [Final] )

There are widely varying opinions on what to do about the problem of Sasquatch. There is the Kill ’EM ALL AND LET GOD SORT ’EM OUT crowd. I'm one of these. Then there is the “we're going out in to the woods naked and banging drums to chant our Bigfoot prayer of protection and wave beads and crystals around til they show up and dance with us. Then we'll all get high and communicate telepathically and sing Kum Ba Yah My Lord” crowd. These are the ones who grossly (and fatally) underestimate just how dangerous these creatures are. Unless everyone never wants to camp, hunt, fish, or so anything at all in the woods again, these creatures must be terminated. Keep in mind that compared to them just how feeble we really are. Even the fastest, fittest, and strongest of us is pathetically easy to kill by a Squatch. We're slow. We're loud. Compared to Bigfoot’s mastery of the woods and the art of evasion and concealment, were stupid and easily frightened.

One last thing. What IF Uncle Sam decided to inform us plebes that “hey guess what y'all ain't crazy after all heh heh. Yep. They're real. Chew on that why dontcha?” Next thing you know the Sierra Club and PETA and a gazillion funky tree huggers are screaming to make all Sasquatch lands protected. Well, they're everywhere so guess what Joe Logger? You just lost your job. Sorry Sammy Salmon Fisherdude. The Squatch need that food. Go work at Burger King. No more camping Mr. Civilian. We can't guarantee your safety in the woods so sorry. Hey Carl Cattleman we're just as bummed as you that a Squatch clan ate 43 of your cows. But they're Federally protected now you so you can't do anything. It's their land now. Move if you don't like it.

Think about it.