I feel like a monster for saying this, but hoping this might be a place where some people can understand, Lately I’ve been feeling like I really want another child, but I’m holding back because I don’t know what I’d do if I had a boy.

I have a daughter who is brilliant and fierce and the best thing in my world. We try hard to keep her free her from all the gendered BS of childhood and let her just be herself, but I’ve learned it all seeps in - from friends, from school, from TV etc.

I don’t know how to raise a boy when I genuinely hate modern men and masculinity. My husband is an exception because he’s done such a lot of work on himself, and rationally I know that we need more exceptions like this, and good parents to raise them. I know I would love any child with my whole heart, and fight for them like a lioness.

But then I pick my daughter up from her alternative, free-thinking school and see the boys still fighting and kicking in the playground. I hear about my friend’s pre teen son sneaking graphic porn on the computer. I hear “boys will be boys” and that those who won’t end up labelled as trans, and I just don’t know if I could do it.

Do I have too much anger and trauma with the patriarchy to raise and love a healthy boy? Has anyone else felt or worked through this?

Edit: thanks for the many thoughtful and compassionate responses. When I searched for this topic previously I only found people shouting down and shaming women confessing to these feelings on mothering subs and forums. I’m really glad this place exists.

Danielle_Baptiste: i have aborted the baby once i found it was a boy. im a staunch and unapologetic radfem. i have never regretted my decision. what i know for sure is that had i kept it i wouldnt have loved it like i would love a daughter.