FSTDT

Dear Rebbetzin Feige,
I am 29. My husband and I love each other and share our Jewish life and ideals. But for the first two years of our marriage we decided not to have children. My husband was always traveling up and down the country for his job, and I followed him as much as possible. We said to each other we wanted a father to be present at home and a family to be more "sedentary" before having children.
Now he has been offered a position that requires more moving around over the next few years. It's a great opportunity, but this would mean having a further delay in trying to have kids (for at least the first year so we can settle down and organize our lives). We are afraid that we will decide too late. We usually think of a woman having career plans that may come into conflict with family plans. I never thought my husband's job could produce the same effects.
JZ
Rebbetzin Feige responds:
My dear reader, Your conundrum as to whether to proceed now or postpone having a baby in favor of a later date -- perhaps a more propitious time -- is, in one form or another, the stuff of life that requires perspective.
Clearly, the way we view the circumstances of our life can change from moment to moment. The fact that you have written indicates a desire on your part to get a handle on how to sort out the variables in order to find a reliable index of where things are really at.
Historically, when the children of Israel were ready to enter the promised land, the tribes of Gad and Reuven approached Moses requesting permission to settle on the east side of the Jordan where the land could support their extensive stock of cattle. Their request was framed in the following way: We shall build corrals for our cattle and cities for our children...then we will join forces with the rest of the nation to help them conquer the west side of the Jordan.
In his reply to them, Moses conceded but reversed the order of their request: "build cities for your children and then corrals for your cattle." They had prefaced provisions for their cattle first and for their children last. Moses corrected them and assigned top priority to the children.
At face value, this scenario is quite startling. Did members of the exalted 12 tribes really need reminding that children come before cattle?

The commentaries explain that their priorities were unquestionably intact and their intention was never to assign greater importance to their cattle than to their children. Their reasoning in seeking to settle their cattle -- their holdings -- first, was to secure a livelihood so that they might better provide for their children's future. Indisputably, the children were the overriding objective, but perhaps, they concluded, if they attended to the peripheral first and planned for everything, the context of their children's lives would be a better one.

The deterioration of family values R2 Sine World War 2 when women were encouraged to join the work force en mass, to replace the men who went to war and keep the economy and war effort going. There has been a trend where a mother was not at home to take care of her children, monitor their behavior, help with the homework and discipline when and where necessary. The advancement in technology has harmed family values. The Media and Television has totally destroyed any comprehension of values in our society. The lack of discipline and total disregard for authority and respect is clear to anyone who has watched the past 50 years and seen our society's values deteriorate.

[...]

In today's society a teacher is not permitted to discipline a student, the teachers will be sued, not to mention that teachers fears for their safety. Parents in today's society are also restricted as to how to discipline their children, in many cases parents are getting sued. In many cases children would never dream of treating their parents with such disrespect 50 years ago. Today some parents are afraid of their own children.

[...]

The family is the most basic unit of any society or nation. Without healthy, functioning families, a culture cannot survive. God created marriage as the unity of one man and one woman. This has been both the legal and traditional understanding of a marriage - literally - for millennia, since Eden. Sadly, many radical activist groups in the U.S. are attempting to twist the law to change the definition of marriage and the family to include same-sex "marriage," polygamy, polyamory, and other structures. These groups scoff at the idea that there is any fixed or known set of values or beliefs is generally good for families or culture. We should fight against numerous attacks on marriage and family values, including efforts to:

• Allow children unlimited access to pornography over the Internet in public libraries

• Allow those engaging in homosexual behavior to have preference to adopt children and be foster parents

• Allow those engaging in homosexual behavior to serve openly in the military

• Expose children to explicit sex education materials contrary to parental approval

• Deny parents the right the raise their children before God as they see fit