I think that non-passing trans women will never be happy or safe in this world

Kim Petras started her transition at 12, and has a perfect cis body, cis face and cis voice. People like her have a chance to be respected, accepted and loved. She is attractive to straight guys and lesbian girls. Those of us who started their transition after puberty and are not cis passing will never have those priviliges. And without them I doubt that my existence which is full of dysphoria and self hatred is justified. I want to end my life and escape this nightmare. I accept now that I will never be like a cis girl, which means that to most of the world I will be a guy. I cannot tolerate this and therefore it is better for me to quit. I think that body positivism or self acceptance or whatever it is are meaningless when it comes to the question of whether you pass or not. People with masculine facial structure, broad shoulders and with a female gender igentity will always be unhappy. I watched many videos by terfs and Ben Shapiro and I hated them. I disagreed with them. But today after I had massive dysphoria I started to see their point. If you do not pass, you cannot expect other people to treat you like a girl. It just WON'T happen. And even if it does, it's because they are being nice in supporting our 'delusion' because they know how painful our lives are. Even trans guys admit that being mtf is much harder. And the society is not developed or caring enough to provide us with necessary surgeries like FFS and stuff like that. Even with FFS, I will have male bone structure, I will be taller than 90% of girls and will have bigger hands and feet. Some people are just unhappy, Some just have no legs or arms and are disabled. Some people in Africa have AIDS and have no access to meds. Being a non perfectly passing trans woman is just another case of social injustice, and no one will help us. Even in super tolerant places like trans passing, if you are not pretty, people will just feel sorry for you, maybe lie about your apperance saying that it's not that bad, and those who have this privilige will enjoy their lives and have love and success and happiness. It is bettter if it all ends peacefully. I should just die to stop my endless pain.