Flushed Guilt #sexist

Flushed Guilt #sexist slate.com

I Got Mad and Flushed My Wife’s Birth Control
I think she’s being unfair to me about it.

Dear PrudenceThree months ago, my wife and I had a calm disagreement over whether we should start a family. A few nights later, I replayed the conversation in my mind and got extremely angry about it. I went into the bathroom, flushed her birth control pills down the toilet, left the empty case on the counter, and then went back to bed. When I woke up in the morning, I was ashamed of myself, but I knew she had already seen what I’d done. She never confronted me about it but has displayed strange behavior since then. She is unusually quiet and acts withdrawn. Her body language has changed, and although we still have sex regularly, it is different than it was before. In addition, she is constantly taking phone calls in private and leaving the house on superfluous errands. I realize I made a mistake, but I don’t think it’s fair that she continues to punish me for it by avoiding me. I want to ask my wife for us both to give up our smartphones and share one car so we can work on our communication. I don’t want to fall into the same trap of doing something rash and then regretting it later. How can I talk to my wife calmly about her behavior?

Submitter’s note: I first heard about this here:
https://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/2020/08/15/the-unfixable-man/. PZ’s comments are much better than Prudence’s IMO.

15 comments

Your “rash” premeditated flushing of her birth control pills as a deliberate attempt to work around and invalidate her decision concerning children - and I *shudder* to think what else you were planning to do in the event she outright refused to have sex and that’s a fear I suspect your wife shared - then displaying the empty case as a direct warning to her (if not a threat) as to what happens when your wishes are not met does not concern me nearly as much as your continued attempts to strip her of agency and seize absolute control of her life inside the house and out slowly isolating her from all human contact turning her into a prisoner bound to a paranoid overseer over your “calm” disagreement to be settled with more “calm” deliberate acts to restrict, isolate, spy upon, and otherwise establish that you are in control regardless of her opinion and must never be crossed.

Your malignant narcissism is just further laid bare in that the advice you’re looking for isn’t asking if you’re being irrational following your first admission but how to help MAKE her a prisoner in her own home and by getting others to normalize your impulse feel justified in doing so. What really seals your status as dangerously toxic is how you try to characterize it as “unfair” that she has become distant as you slowly tighten the grip in an attempt to force her into line with your views because you brook no “disobedience” from the person you treat less and less like a person let alone an equal partner in your relationship.

If the demented monster you are of a husband is any indication you will not be a fit parent in this lifetime and your wife made the smartest decision of her life by taking birth control and sparing children that will never be the mental and physical scars of what all indications are would have been truly horrific abuse. A decision that will only be topped by contacting a divorce lawyer.

I Got Mad and Flushed My Wife’s Birth Control
I think she’s being unfair to me about it

She's probably gotten replacement pills. PROTIP: The Concept of 'Hiding Places': concealed pockets/compartments etc: in purses, wallets, handbags etc.

She doesn't have to tell you everything.

You broke her trust. You'll likely be divorced soon

Wow! What a c*nt (the man, I mean)! I hope she divorces him. What you did, taking away her choice borders on outright rape!

I’m a guy and even I pity the fact that most “people” these days expect all women to carry children or else they aren’t “real” women. Have any of you douches ever considered that maybe, just maybe, the feeling of having a parasite growing inside of you (and having to take care of it for almost 20 years afterwards) may not be for everyone?

WOMEN SHOULD NOT BE PRESSURED INTO GETTING PREGNANT! Besides, we’re overpopulated as it is; a few less births wouldn’t harm anyone.

She's contacting a good divorce lawyer, as we speak.

This definitely should be grounds for divorce.

Dear Prudence
Won't you come out to play?
Dear Prudence
Greet the brand new day, hey

The sun is up, the sky is blue
It's beautiful, and so are you
Dear Prudence
Won't you come out to play?

PZ’s comments are much better than Prudence’s IMO.

Prudence’s reply seemed pretty on-point to me.

Prudence doesn't say, “Lady, run!” They may think it but they don't say it. I'm hoping the woman moves out, no forwarding address.

Says the soon to be ex-husband & perpetually single, hateful loser.

Look everyone- Down the road comes ‘It’s All About Me’ man.

@DizzyDream #53454

OMG I think you just came up with my Halloween costume. That’s awesome!

So you don’t understand why your wife is angry at you after you violated her trust, attempted to deny her bodily autonomy, and essentially told her that she’s not allowed to make her own life choices (but rather have you give them to her like a slave-owner)?

I sincerely hope she divorces you post-haste. Nobody deserves to be forced into a marriage with such a heartless, cowardly, selfish, wannabe-tyrant.

I notice there no mention of an apology on the husband's part. That would go some way towards me giving at least a tiny bit of doubt regarding this person being actually remorseful about their actions.