Once upon a time Billions of years ago, there was this explosion and then the Universe was formed and then water came some how and lightning in a soupy pond made the first living cell. You call that science???
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No, of course nobody calls that science. Because that overdumbed parody version is not in any way what actual scientists say. Let me guess, you think all that is the “theory” of “evolutionism”, hmmm? Dumbass.
But fine, does creationism really sound more likely? How come a day and night cycle existed before the earth itself did, hmmm? After all, day and night are solely dependent on our current position towards the sun.
Once upon a time, it took an omnibenevolent omnipotent omniscient timeless entity six days to create the world, and then, it also created the world in a completely different way, during which it planted a tree that would give knowledge of morality and one that would grant eternal life, even though death did not exist back then, but only came into existence when a snake talked the first humans into eating from the fruit of the first tree, so the entity cursed all life with mortality and also snakes to have no limbs even though the snake was not actually a snake but was actually the ultimate evil who will only make a sudden appearence many, many books later and whose origin story is not actually included anywhere in the series itself all along, and for women to be oppressed by their husbands, and then the entity exiled humanity because the entity feared that they would eat the fruit of immortality and become like it, even though it is a unique entity with no equal and infinite power way beyond mere immortality, and then a few centuries later the entity’s sons had sex and children with human women and the entity took offence of that, so it decided to drown the entire world, but told one man to build a giant wooden box that would save his family and one pair of each animal, and then he sent a flood, which is how all of geology actually came about, and then, with the slate wiped clean, we have a Big Moment where the entity created the rainbow, which after all is not just a phenomenon of optics, as a symbol to its commitment to destroy the world anymore, but nevertheless, it is only three thousand years later that the entity forgave the transgression of humanity’s most ancient ancestors, except that it’s not lifting the curse of mortality, but no longer punishing you with having you burn for all eternity for the crime of not being perfect, and only on the condition that you swear loyality to its son which is actually both itself and not itself, who went through a short time preaching following by a torturous execution, but that’s okay because he came back the morning after the next, but it’s still the greatest sacrifice ever. You call that a reasonable religion???
As opposed to “eternal time wizard wished the cosmos into creation, then made humans out of dead skin cells before there was either death or skin, then put an apple tree in front of hungry animals, told them to show some restraint, then pretended to be angry when they ate it like he fucking knew they would, then kicked back and watched the creations he ‘loved’ so much suffer and die, sometimes with him helping them shuffle off their mortal coils, until he knocked up an underaged girl without her consent, incarnated himself into a human wrapper, then let himself die to save the people he put in danger even though he had omnipotence anyways and didn't need to go through the whole rigmarole to start with, but did anyway because now he has fucking morons kissing his ass and calling him a hero two millennia later?”
I'll take science over that string of thought-cancer any day.
"...there was this explosion..."
So, you're trying yo make fun of the actual science by stating your lack of accepting the critique of the science.
Occam's Razor.
Now explain the alternative: but only using diagrams, formulae & mathematical equations.
The latter will ensure your 'explanation' fails right from the start when your so-called 'God' can't count the number of legs one of his 'Creations' - an insect - has.
Once upon a time Thousands of years ago, God arrived out of the future, created Himself and then disappeared back to the future. The newly created God then formed life, the universe and everything. Then He went into the past and created Himself. When He returned from the past, He rested. That’s your religion???
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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