Pence Eludes Capture, Military in Hot Pursuit

In the early morning hours on March 4, the “unit” infiltrated the area on foot and hiked four miles along a winding footpath that ended near a log cabin with wisps of woodsmoke emanating from a stone chimney. No vehicle was present, but what appeared to be fresh ATV tracks crisscrossed the area. Dim light shone through a curtained window. A diesel generator alongside the cabin was still running.

The unit, our source said, breached the door and hurled flashbang grenades into the room, calling out to Pence to surrender. But the cabin was empty, devoid of life. Whoever dwelt within appeared to have made a hasty exit; coffee bubbled in a percolator and a bowl of half-eaten, lukewarm stew was sitting on a small table.

Finding no one home, the military searched the immediate area, following ATV tracks to a clearing a half mile from the cabin. The ATV was there, but its occupant, Michael Pence, was nowhere to be found. Somehow, he had eluded capture.

“It’s like he upped and disappeared,” our source said. “A helicopter couldn’t have got him because the team would have heard it. Someone tipped Pence off, and it looks like he had an escape route planned. Trump wasn’t happy at all. He’s put out an all-points-bulletin for Pence’s capture, and he asked loyal military commanders to stay vigilant and to conduct a more thorough search of the area.”