As someone who has actually come close to death before 25, which was only the beginning on a grindingly long road to recovery, and as someone who has no doubt that there is no afterlife:
No. Why would I?
Life is worth living. There is so much I have ahead of me. If I were to commit suicide, I would never complete my studies, never fulfill my lifelong ambition to research animals, never find my lovely crazy soulmate, never become a father, never become a grandfather, never learn of so many exciting discoveries about this fantastic world in the decades to come…
I do not fear the Unknown. Uncertainty, lack of security, but not the Unknown. And I dread Death for the complete opposite reasons: For its finality and inevitability. One day, I will not be alive anymore, nor ever again. No mmatter how long I live, there will ever be so much more to learn, so much more new things that will be forever beyond my grasp.
I sit beside the fire and think
of all that I have seen
of meadow-flowers and butterflies
in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
in autumns that there were,
with morning mist and silver sun
and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think
of how the world will be
when winter comes without a spring
that I shall ever see.
For still there are so many things
that I have never seen:
in every wood in every spring
there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think
of people long ago
and people who will see a world
that I shall never know.
[…]
- Bilbo Baggins
There is also a more specific fear of death: That of early death. I have always feared that my life would be cut short, my life’s dreams unfulfilled, and my father’s death and my own near-death reinforced this possibility being real.
But my dread of death, the knowledge that my life will inevitably end, only strengthens my will to live. Yes, I will die one day, and I will be gone forever, but I am determined that I will not let that happen before I have lived a long and fulfilled life, and if I have to beat off the Grim Reaper with his own scythe!
And it is in my determination to live long and prosper, as well as humility in my role in the incomprehensibly grand, unscripted, ever-changing play that is life, that has been going on since times immemorial and will be going on long after our extinction, that I find, to a certain degree, acceptance of my mortality.
Appreciate life, for it is finite, and that which is dead is forever lost.
______________
Sorry for this long, rambling monologue. It’s just… things I needed to get off my heart, more than anything.