How Homosexual Friends Can Influence Our Kids

A question came up recently from a concerned parent: “How might a homosexual friend influence my child? Or someone who is confused about gender?" This has been an issue in a number of situations we’ve encountered over the past few years, in discussions with both parents and students.

While we recognize that young people who have unstable feelings are really in need of heterosexual friends, and it’s a delicate matter to try to split up friendships once they form, there are very real risks if the friendship is a close one. The first line of defense is to separate your child from the friend, if you can do it without open rebellion. Sometimes this isn’t possible if your son or daughter is an older teen or in college, so other alternatives need to be considered. There may be some things that you can make your own son or daughter aware of if they are open to the discussion.

Because there are increasing numbers of kids who are “out,” I am advising every parent to prepare a student in advance when—not if—they have a relatively close association with someone who is a declared homosexual or who is trying to live as the opposite sex. A situation may arise tomorrow where the resident of the dorm room next door, or a lab partner, or the person who works the same shift at the pizza parlor, or the brother of your child’s best friend, may announce he or she is “gay,” "non-binary," or the opposite sex. What are the risks? And, are there any opportunities as well?

Sexual involvement. The first thing you need to decide is whether there is any risk of sexual involvement, and rule this out (hopefully). If it’s a same sex friend this is of course more risky, because the friend who confesses a “crush” on your son or daughter may really mess with his or her mind or emotions, particularly if it’s a vulnerable time in your child’s life. The relationship may start as an attempt to “help” the friend, or may mask an attempt to demonstrate sophistication and a lack of bigotry among peers.

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