[in response to the Johnny Depp v. Amber Heard verdict]

We need to go back to burning women alive more. Like, when they’re convicted of crimes, obviously, not in random acts of violence. But remember that in medieval times-I’ve said this on the show before-when women were witches, what happened to them? They were burned alive. Real phenomenal.

And we stopped doing that, and everything went out of control. You know, we said, “Oh, that’s such a horrible tragedy, and we need to stop burning women alive for casting spells,” and then guess what happened? They started casting their spells again, they started speaking in devilish tongues and casting spells. Now we’ve got a totally fucked up society where women are molesting your kids in primary schools, and women are accusing you of rape (or they’re raping you in some cases) or they’re killing you.

And is Amber Heard not one of these people who would be sentenced to death for being a witch in medieval times? I mean, she probably would be. Would the world not be better if these spell-casting witches received something more than a promotion at work? I don’t know, I’m just saying things seem to work out a little bit better when the witch question was answered.