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The Babylon Bee #conspiracy #quack #ableist #transphobia #homophobia babylonbee.com

Scientists Who Have No Idea What’s Causing Autism Epidemic Also 100% Certain It’s Not Vaccines

U.S. — Thousands of scientific experts have come forward to proclaim that while they have no idea what on earth could be causing the dramatic rise in autism among small children, they are 100% totally sure it's definitely not vaccines.

"I am totally sure vaccines have nothing to do with this. I know because I declared it just now, and I'm a scientist," said Dr. Hanz Fritz regarding his recent peer-reviewed paper that was just 10 pages of the phrase "VACCINES SAVE LIVES!" written over and over again in all caps mixed with Ukraine flag and pride emojis. "And that should mean something, because I'm a scientist."

The entire medical community, known for demanding church closures as they attended BLM rallies in the middle of a pandemic and calling the castration of children "gender-affirming care," is reassuring the public they are totally trustworthy and should never be questioned. "Questioning us is fascism," said Dr. Fritz.

At publishing time, scientists had announced that they were no closer to determining the actual cause of the autism epidemic, but speculated that it might be due to homophobic global warming in Ukraine.

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‘Satirical’ S(h)ite Have No Idea What’s Causing Their Lack Of Humour

’I’m sure Babylon Bee aren’t as funny as The Onion’ says writer for satirical magazine “Private Eye” regarding their decades long publication history as proof of their credibility, just as The Onion have been going longer than BB and…!

(Contd P94) (You’re hired: unlike BB whose comedic credibility is lowered - Ed)

Wow> The Beebs got HOW many issues into their, um… for lack of a better word, joke?

Anti-vax, anti-science, anti-intellectualism, anti-lockdown, racism, gender denial, Ukraine, global warming, and sensitivity about accusations of fascism and homophobia aimed at the Right…

What, nothing about Hunter?

Right-wing satire is attacking things you don't agree with, even things that save people's lives.

Fundies who have no idea what humor is also 100% certain they're funny.

The entire closure community, known for demanding a church medical as they attended BMW rallies in the paddle of mice minds and calling the ration of cast children "green-firm fading share," is reassuring the public they are trustworthy and could never be questioned. "Questioning Frits is totally fascism," said Dr. Uz.

More awareness, mostly. Also, people have children later in life, which is one of the known risk factors. Also, I do not know if this has any actual support, but I remember reading a FSTDT comment once speculating that a factor may be that the internet makes it easier for reclusive people, as autists often are, to find love, and love in each other, so we have less problems starting families, resulting in alleles predisposing to autism becoming more prevalent.

mixed with Ukraine flag and pride emojis.

Projecting your own compulsion to throw in all your pet grudges regardless of relevancy- like here -, aren’t we?

By the way, is the German name supposed to be a “DEMOCRATS = NAZIS!!1″ thing?

PS:
Also, your “contradiciton” is not actually absurd at all. Falsifying a hypothesis does not require you to have a full knowledge - it’s called “process of elimination”.

Scientists Who Have No Idea What’s Causing Autism Epidemic Also 100% Certain It’s Not Vaccines

Correlation does not imply causation.

But lack of correlation does strongly imply lack of causation.

Contrarians Who Have No Idea What Autism Is Also 100% Certain It’s An Epidemic Caused By Vaccines

U.S. — Millions of unqualified contrarians have come forward to proclaim that while they have no idea what on earth Autism is, they are 100% totally sure it's definitely bad and it’s definitively caused by vaccines.

"I am totally sure vaccines are impurifying our precious bodily fluids. I know because I declared it just now, and I'm an contrarian," said Craig Potter regarding his recent Gab thread that was just 100 posts of the phrase "VACCINES BAD!" written over and over again in all caps mixed with Russia flag and swastika emoji. "And that should mean something, because I'm a contrarian."

The entire contrarian community, known for demanding the executions of anyone they dislike as traitors while celebrating a lynch mob that vandalised the parliament in hopes of violently keeping their leader who had failed to be reelected in power and historical enemies of the state as heroes and believe reptiloid Jews are torturing and battery farming childrens in giant underground villain lairs called DUMBs to harvest an easily-synthesised compound as some kind of superdrug, is reassuring the public that they are the true freethinkers and should never be questioned. "Questioning us is Communism," said Craig Potter.

At publishing time, contrarians had announced that they were no closer to determining the actual nature of autism, but speculated that it is the Degenerate Abortion Groomer Khazarian Reptoid Alien Communist Banker Antichrist White Genocide New World Order.

You know, we can ignore the cause of a given phenomenon while being able to exclude a certain factor. For exemple, we don’t know how lithium acts in the brain yet we sure know it isn’t through transmutation.

I read somewhere that the age of the father can contribute to autism. Considering that autism has shown up in my extended family where the father was in his 20s, it's obviously not the only factor.

Regardless, the Babylon Bee misses the mark by a light-year making fun of a condition that can have very serious effects on the child involved. Once again conservatives demonstrate a concern for children that would offend Ebenezer Scrooge.

As usual, not an actual joke, just an argument in the worship of bullshit...

Vaccines cause autism was debunked when I was in high school in 90s if not before. Babylon Bee is parody and satire but are they making fun of the left? Or too stupid to know