As oxygen in ionized plasma increases
More oxygen is carried to organs which increases functionality
Please do not attempt to inhale plasma. It will increase something in your organs alright, but I wouldn’t call it “functionality”.
Muscles and tissues create more collagen
And the skin glows with a beautiful appearance
Muscles, skin, and other tissues won’t be doing much of anything. The glow, however, that probably would happen. One would have to have a rather twisted sense of beauty to enjoy such a sight, though.
The northern borealis becomes the Fountain of Youth
It transforms into a beam of energy raining plasma down upon us
Well, I guess if you get hit by some alien superweapon while young, you won’t ever grow old…
As shown in fossils dragonflies and scorpions become well over 3 feet long
Arthropleura is a centipede that grew into 8 feet long monsters
Fossils of giant bears tigers beavers and sloths abound
You watched a palaeontology video while high, weren’t you? And then went onto reading the bible, I guess.