(F is for Feminist)
Why should your daughter, in order to be a girl, have to present herself in the restrictive, out-dated, stereotyped trappings of a girl? That is part of the problem. [...] The trans-mob is one of the most repressive, hetero-normative, stereotyping, misogynist, anti-feminist, anti-lesbian/gay movements to ever exist and be so far reaching. Yes, fight back for your children but not by being trapped by gender stereotyping.
You know, that’s funny. I’ve been among trans people, individually and in communities. And I haven’t seen even a whiff of what you say there.
(Annie J.)
I agree with you, and this is what I tell my daughter. She first came out to me as bisexual, and I accepted her as so. I love her no matter what.
You know, maybe I’m reading too much into this, but this immediately caught my eye.
You accepted her as so?
You love her… no matter what?
You know, when you say “I accept this”, and “I love her no matter what”, that sounds to me like “I love her despite this flaw / bad thing”.
Like, for instance, “I love her no matter what, despite her being an addict who has hurt us.”
But… I don’t think there’s anything to accept. There is no “matter” here.
Bisexuality isn’t bad or undesirable. It’s not something requiring “acceptance… no matter what”. It just… is. Your daughter — or rather, son — just sees the beauty in more people than usual. That’s all.
But maybe I’m just seeing too much into things.
Then she told me she was "pansexual", then it changed eventually to trans.
Ah yes, here come the “scare quotes”.
So accepting, you “truly” are.
Your child’s self-understanding grew. It evolved. And you… you lost your mind over it. Instead, we got…
I supported her in those earlier years by telling her to be herself - dress how she wants, cut her hair how she wants - that's no big deal. She always had a style all her own, and that's part of what makes her special. However, this whole trans thing is insanity.
…this.
Oh sure, you were *so* accepting.
You accepted him, when it was about inconsequential things such as dressing up. But the moment it got to something actually meaningful or less normative, suddenly that so-called acceptance went up in flames.
And the real you came up. Who you truly are, beyond the masks and the stories you tell yourself about how wonderfully good, accepting, tolerant and open-minded you are.
It’s not who we think we are that is most real. It’s what you are in the dark… or when things aren’t going your way. Then, you show yourself to the world in your true light, for better or worse.
(continued in next post)