kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

Conspiracy Theories Archives #ufo #conspiracy

Oh they couldn't possibly, they stopped at the deli for some knish on the way over and they get gassy if they eat too much.

Oh, why not, maybe a bit of nosh, some matzo or a nice piece of fish if you've got it, but they don't want to put you out or anything.

Got high, watched the MST3K episode with The Deadly Mantis, got confused. Guarantee it.

JonFreeman #wingnut

It's funny, I actually trust Christian Conservatives about as far as I can throw them, and I'm a fat man with arthritis and a cane, so…that's not far. I just can't seem to trust someone with my life, when they think letting me die, or even helping me die, will net them ethereal brownie points with a vaguely-defined Canaanite war-god.

JonFreeman #wingnut #racist

Mad props to Bastethotep for confronting this asshole to his virtual face, and I love how Freefall's only response was basically, “You only have two followers, so your point can't possibly be valid!”

Fuck this newt, you got three followers now, Bast.

Lauren Boebert, US Representative for CO District 3 #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy

She pretends like it hasn't been the GOP endgame since President Black Guy was a thing, all to make sure President Black Guy 2: The Re-Melanining doesn't happen. She's just pissy that it's not her party taking the oligarchy. Her side stacks the deck so that only they benefit, only they get power, and only so they can have it, never so they can do anything with it, then bitches and whines about the other side trying to balance shit out. Fuck this gaslighting bitch.

James Rink #crackpot #conspiracy #magick #ufo

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #quack #ufo

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #ufo #magick

@arp #80066

Damn, I was using medical knowledge culled by humans through lifetimes of study and experience, when I should have just left out a bowl of milk and asked any shoe-making brownies that happened by!

Charlie Kirk #transphobia #wingnut

I would have thought Charlie Kirk would be glad to see fewer books being read by children; reading leads to thinking, and if more people are thinking, then they're not listening to his brain-melting drivel.

Curious.

Unveiling Them #fundie #crackpot #psycho #wingnut #quack

Gee, I wonder what group of (((people))) this ass-huffer is referring to? They're just so clever and subtle, I can't seem to decipher their brilliant code. /s

Lauren Boebert, US Representative for CO District 3 #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy #crackpot

@The_Crimson_Ghost #80137

Ooh, think we can get Liz Chaney's dad to invite her on a hunting trip? He knows how to do this shit.

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #ufo #magick

@Bastethotep #79955

And adrenochrome will, at best, give you a nasty headache akin to a post-workout rush, and at worst put you into a dissociative psychotic fugue.

But do keep up with your scintillating “exposes," Benny. And remember, citing reliable and real sources is for lizard people, so never do it!

Lauren Boebert, US Representative for CO District 3 #fundie #wingnut #racist #conspiracy

@Timjer #80020

Um, er, ah…her emails! Obama's real birth certificate! Sleepy Joe! Look over there at what the Dems are doing! Nothing happening over here, no siree! Pay no attention to the fat reality star behind the curtain!

Did I do that right, Q-Berts?

Unknown 4chan Poster #pratt #transphobia

@WhiteNoise #78928

I got you.
image

Nong Toom, the first - but not the last - trans muay thai boxer. She'd give this ape his first semi-chub, then break it in half with her knee, and he'd beg for another.

OT, firstly, while passing is important, I imagine it's secondary to the sense of wholeness a transperson would feel, finally being in the right skin. I cannot and would never deign to speak for a life experience I will never have, but given everything in equal measure, there are more important things than looking like Morgan fucking Fairchild to consider.

Second, you ain't fooling anybody, son. I guaran-fucking-tee you've got eighty terabytes of Bailey Jay squirrelled away somewhere, probably wedged between your Natalie Mars collection and the Joanna Jett ouvre. As they say, the squeaky wheel wants to get greased.

Lauren Boebert, US Representative for CO District 3 #fundie #wingnut #crackpot

“Your Honour, the police have tagged my client as a criminal by arresting them and charging them for crimes they have been accused of committing, with evidence to back the charges up! In light of all this damning evidence against my client, how can they ever receive a fair trial?”

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #quack #ufo

Man, these opening text crawls for the new Star Wars films are getting more and more esoteric and less on topic. Benny, it's like Luke said, man; "stay on target.” You're all over the place with your story ideas, how are you going to get anything coherent out of this if you just keep tossing things into the fantasy kitchen sink?

@Bastethotep #78731

To my embarrassment, I honestly thought he was being literal about star forts, then I remembered I had played AoE3 and should have known better.

David J. Stewart #fundie #crackpot

TEA_PARTY_PATRIOT #crackpot #dunning-kruger #ufo #wingnut

Profit #conspiracy #racist

That's a long way to go just to say you hate Irish people, moron.

Red Youth #moonbat #psycho #dunning-kruger

I promise you this person is working on a dating sim where they try to rehabilitate history's greatest monsters. Something akin to the Colonel Sanders game, but with more Pol Pot.

And they're making the game with only one hand.

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #quack #magick #ufo

Have you tried putting it to music, Ben? Maybe it won't suck nearly as much if you put it to a throbbing electrohouse beat, maybe have Skrillix drop the base just when you start mentioning the lizard-people and cloned slave workforce toiling away in the sugar mines of Mars?

Conservapedia #fundie #conspiracy #wingnut

Jesus Buttery Fuck, they actually claim in the same “article” that Biden has both increased police powers and somehow let crime run rampant by defunding the police. They actually had the balls to imply, with a fucking picture of Joe and his kid at a Redskins game, that their presence at said game led to the team changing their name after folks realized it was racist. Andrew, what fecking reality do you live in, you fucking moron?

One Million Moms #fundie #homophobia #conspiracy

Conservative parents are outraged!

And water is wet, what else is new?

American Girl could have chosen another storyline or characters to write about and remained neutral in the culture war.

Except you want them to pretend gay people don't exist, which would be taking your side in the so-called culture war. And that's the real sticking point - they're disagreeing with you. Well, how dare they, amirite?

Judy Byington #conspiracy #wingnut #psycho

200 miles of tunnels generates a lot of displaced soil. Where'd it go? Why didn't anyone question why they were building such massive tunnels across the country? It would have been impossible to dig these tunnels in secret, someone would have noticed it.

Lisa Renee #crackpot #ufo #magick #conspiracy

*Reads this insanity, furiously taking down notes*
Think she'll sue me when I turn this nonsense into an anime?

Ben Gibson #wingnut

So apparently when QAnon mentions that secret cabal of Satanic pedophiles, they of course mean themselves, and when they mention that Trump is pursuing them, they leave out that it's with a club application form in hand, desperate to join.

Senator Amanda Chase #dunning-kruger #pratt

“It was just awful; we knocked on Little Jimmy's door, and found…*choke! gasp! sputter!* empty Oreo packages and discarded bags of Doritos everywhere! And Jimmy was just sitting on his couch, giggling at old episodes of Scooby Doo! He was too full and too sleepy to eat his dinner! It was Lucifer's Spinach that did this to our baby! We must gather up all the Mary Jane, and hurl it back into the fires of perdition from whence it came in a big public bonfire where we can all get together and watch the sin-smoke return to God!”

Lauren Boebert, US Representative for CO District 3 #fundie #wingnut #crackpot

1) Space Force is to be mocked, because it was created by an idiot who thought it meant zoom-bang action fun shooting down ISIS’ fleet of birds-of-prey.

2) What'd Joe do, call them losers and suckers? Oh wait, no, that was the other guy. What was his name again, I seem to have the warmest, sweetest bout of amnesia concerning Whazzisname?

Mr Bond #psycho #racist

Mr. Bond: Do you expect me to get out on parole in fifteen years, seven if on my best behaviour?
Humanity: No, Mr. Bond; we expect you to die.

….but given that Germany doesn't have the death penalty, being a Nazi fuckwit isn't a capital offense anymore and a life sentence in Europe is nothing like what it is in the States, yeah, you'll probably be out in seven. Probably be welcomed back into the Nazibund with a fucking pizza-party, too.

TyrellFingers #ableist

Wayne Allyn Root #fundie #wingnut

The difference, you aptly-named fuck, is that the deaths under Trump's watch were because he couldn't be arsed enough to give a shit and try to do anything about it. Deaths under Biden's watch are because of a mixture of the infancy of his term, and because Trump's apathy was so great that he left literally nothing for Biden to use! The vaccine loadout was fucking empty when that bloated fuckspittle trundled out of America's house, Biden's first job is to actually get the rollout going after your boy slept on it.

Get. All. The. FUCKED. Wayne.

Paul Bury #fundie #conspiracy #wingnut

ash #conspiracy #wingnut

They will absolutely do a full on Mary-Lou Retton routine in their heads to avoid admitting that Q was a baconnothingburger with cheese. I've seen these idiots actually fucking claim that Q's true identity was Joe Biden I shit you not, and the whole thing was his masterstroke to save the country.

24 Year Vet Who Is Tired Of It #fundie #conspiracy

Joe Biden could give the American people a cure for cancer, flying cars and complete and permanent financial and personal security, and they'd bitch about “why didn't he do that 47 years ago?”

It's not the works they have an issue with, it's the worker; not the message, but the messenger. The only ones allowed to save America are the people who think and look like they do. Anything else, the slightest deviation from their preconceived “norm” is utterly unacceptable, evil and contrary to any values upon which America might have been founded. Truth be damned, their feelings matter more than fact, their ideology more than reality.

In other words, a cult.

Douglas Wilson #sexist #transphobia

@Mathius_dragoon #73812

Slander and calumny devised by his Red diaper baby enemies, naturally.

And I'm not proud to admit it, but the Woodrow Wilson slam did make me chuckle a bit. I know, I'm horrid.

@Zinnia #73787

They like Hoover. Both Hoovers, since I just now realized there were two. They like Herbert for fucking over poor people, never mind that he fucked over everyone else in the doing, and they like J. Edgar for fighting commies, homos and that troublemaking rabblerouser MLK.

Roosh V and E. Michael Jones #conspiracy #fundie #racist

Motherfucker must be talking about Lex Luther, because Marty called for rabbis to be killed, temples to be shuttered, and Jewish texts to be burned. And Calvin was absolutely no different.

Ivo of Vega via Sharon Stewart #ufo #wingnut #magick #conspiracy

This. Just this.

A lot is riding on Mr T now. A lot.

Oh fucking finally, now shit's getting done. I pity the foo’ who thought they could destroy democracy for that orange-tainted dipshit.

Also, you seem to be almost self-aware enough to know that so-called "prophets” claiming that political strife, economic hardships and a fucking pandemic will just magically vanish by some arbitrary day on the calendar, are in fact full of shit. Then you go right back to talking to yourself in a funny voice, Enfield-like. You're no less full of shit then the Nostra-dumbasses you lift your nose at not two breaths earlier.

David Chase Taylor #crackpot #conspiracy #wingnut

*Sighs wistfully*

I know he's face-chewing, tiger-tickling bananapants insane, but at least he's not "dress as a Viking, poop in the halls of power, 'Dude, Dawnguard is real and they're all child-eating Argonians!!’ storm the Capitol” bonkers, and I will take that and soak in it like a warm bath any day. DCT, you are a beacon of soft, crazy white noise amidst a roiling, tumultuous sea of chaotic delusion and I salute you for it. Shine on, you literally crazy diamond.

Heather Murry McCalip #wingnut

@Mathius_dragoon #72997

Wouldn't have been surprised. The cesspool where QAnon got it's start was infamous for it's CP stockpile, and the frummers were beyond okay with frequenting that house of horrors.

Tom Kratman #wingnut #psycho

He needs to do three things

Concede. Step down. Plead guilty.

Or not, on that last one. I want him to fight his hardest should it go the the highest courts, just to watch the smack on his gob when reality once again refuses to give this whiny bitch whatever he wants

Sarah A. Hoyt #wingnut #mammon

@Malingspann #72808

Ah yes, all glory to the ASGET, or “Ass-Get,” as the kids will call it in the future, when they read the chapter in the history books leading up to Belgium becoming the sole world power.

In the ASGET, there is only the Trump party, and you may vote for whichever party you want, so long as it's the Trump party. Then you may petition your supervisor at the sadness and smog factory for a day off and travel to glorious Trumpsylvania (formerly Mar-A-Lago) to pay respects to Glorious Leader Trump, as he lays in State like a Tang-dyed Mao Tse-Tung. Portraits of Glorious Leader will no doubt line the streets as Kim-Jong Eric gives a speech from the Imperial Palace informing the unwashed throngs that universal attendance to his immortal and hamberder-inventing father's memorial military parade is mandatory, and all dissenters will be forced to spend time in Rudy's presence for either one minute, or until suicide. (Spoiler alert, nobody ever lasts a full minute.)

And during all of this, they will be, without the slightest twinge of irony, denouncing the eeeeeevil Commies over in the actual USA, who are just now celebrating the second term of President Stallone and the completion of Mars City 001.

Ben Garrison #racist #crackpot

I seem to recall the police stepping aside and out-sourcing their unwarrented murder of protesters to a kid from out of state, actually.

And Ben can’t remember if he likes Trump one day and hates him the next for not being fash enough. His memory isn't exactly as reliable as the North Star now, is it?

Cloudy NS #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy #psycho #crackpot #psycho

@Spacewyrm #72206

Heathen! Blasphemer! Ace Ventura is comedy genius! Easily the best of the '97 Carrey Triumvirate (The Mask is second, Dumb and Dumber is…okay, it's watchable. I don't get the Farrelly Brothers’ humour, but it was fine.)

I mean, yeah, the sequel was ass on a cracker, but come on, the first one was brilliant. Hard to watch nowadays due to the transphobia, but it was a simpler, more ignorant time. It's like saying you can't enjoy To Kill A Mockingbird because Bob Ewell's a racist.

Where am I going with this? I don't even know anymore.

Vox Day and followers #conspiracy #wingnut #racist #homophobia #transphobia

Or or or, stay with me, douchebags - Trump legitimately lost because he was such a dumpster fire of a failure that even staunch Republicans could see the writing on the wall, there was no election fraud in Biden's direction, and Pence found that shred of humanity he could have sworn he had beaten to death with a Bible around the time he started to notice girls and did exactly what he could: NOTHING.

Rudy Giuliani #conspiracy #wingnut

Is Rainman Rudy talking about Dauberville, or is there an actual Senator Tuberville? (Sounds like a Facebook game about farming potatoes.)

And now I'm thinking, Moscow's Bitch turned on Der Drumpfenfuhrer, Ponce turned on Der Drumpfenfuhrer, what in Odin's bristly beard will it take to make this gravy-leaking, cousin-dicking ambulance chaser slip on the They Live sunglasses and see Der Drumpfenfuhrer for the unconscienable asshole that he is?

Cloudy NS #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy #psycho #crackpot #psycho

@Speakeasy #72080

He did the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, and I think his Showtime series is on season three right now; it's not bad, though I only saw a few episodes of the first season.

As for what he did, he paints pictures of Der Drumpfenfuhrer in an unflattering light, tweaks the nose of the Right-Wing elite, comes from filthy Commie Canuckistan, holds Commie Left-Wing views like non-whites are people, votes matter, and if you poison the water supply you drink from, sooner or later you will get some of that poison inside you, and admitted to not being the psychologically invincible ubermenschen that trail Der Drumpfenfurher like goldfish poop, in that he said he had a mental breakdown years ago following a too-deep-dive into character's psyche for a movie.

You know, all capital offenses in Drumpfenfuhrerland.

Jerry Derecha/Adrenogate #conspiracy #crackpot #magick #wingnut

@Mathius_dragoon #72042

Clearly you lack the pineal gland needed to discern the true - and deceased - Reptillian warlock known to this plane of flesh as Tom Hanks, from an Illuminati-produced clone-slave grown from the meat-pits of Holy Gitmo.

Saying that brain-dribble out loud makes me realize how awesome the Q-Tards would be at worldbuilding a D&D campaign, if I weren't convinced they'd get confused half-way through and start thinking it was real. Ironically like Hanks did in Mazes and Monsters.

Tim Tony Stark Rifat #crackpot #magick #mammon #psycho

And now we've got Werewolf banking. Either somebody gave Timmy a stack of White Wolf manuals whilst he was peyoted off his bean and he confused them for reality, or he's pulled an Icke and is trying to use "werewolf” as a new euphemism for “Jews.”

Yukon Jack #crackpot #racist #fundie #conspiracy

One can indeed be an atheist and see the story of Jesus for the blatant fiction that it is without being an antiSemitic asshole, Yukon Cornelius.