kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

S Bar L Rancher #sexist #homophobia #transphobia

Look, buddy, I’m real sorry your mom took all your Tonka trucks away and refused to make you any chickie fingies like you wanted, but in all fairness, she did ask you repeatedly to put them away; she stepped on them, almost broke her neck tripping over one, so she was kinda right to clean up after you.

Why you’re taking this out on all women forty years after the fact is an entirely separate issue.

Judy Byington #wingnut #crackpot #conspiracy #mammon

@Indicible #261746

The same way they’ve done every other time their prophecies turned out to be twaddle.

“No no, you morons, I didn’t mean it would happen THIS month! I meant NEXT month! Gah! I swear, you thinky-types are so dumb sometimes, it couldn’t have been more obvious!”

Démocratie Participative #wingnut #racist #psycho

“If I smash all the big words together at random, I’m sure to somehow form a coherent thought! That simply must be how smart happens!”

Parents With Inconvenient Truths About Trans #transphobia #homophobia

“We loved our kids unconditionally, if you ignore the condition we set on them that they fit into the gender box we ticked when they were born!”

Donald Trump #wingnut #racist

@Malingspann #261477

If the moron actually forgot his own middle name, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.

Tatsuya Ishida #conspiracy #elitist #psycho #racist

…What would Karl Marx have to do with Soviet Russia? He was a German living in England.

Like, Marx literally held precisely no political office during his lifetime. He never ran any countries. He didn’t run Germany, or Russia, or a fucking lemonade stand. He wrote a book criticizing the fuckshit he saw happening in Europe at the time, and other people read it, wildly misappropriated his thoughts, and now he gets the blame. It’s like if someone read a Stephen King novel, and decided that a cult of child-eating clowns living in the sewers was a viable political movement.

Manifestation Magic #magick

What Does Manifestation Magic do?

1. Sweet monkey fuck-all.

John C. Wright #crackpot #fundie

Storytelling has one task, you self-pretentious anal fissure - to tell a story.

Conservapedia #fundie

@Sasha #261222

Because banging on about a past nobody cares about anymore is kinda their bag.

Also, as if Phyllis’ boy wouldn’t have been the bad guy from Footloose, banning music and dancing and bright colours and fun. The dude was cheering for the Care Bears villains, not because he hated caring, but because he honestly thought they made the best argument. “Joy? Laughter? Friendship? My word, those things are annoying! The cartoon book with the oddly sexy voice is right! We should do away with all these things!”

Hillsdale College #wingnut #conspiracy

They rattle on about how evil Karl Marx was, as if he wrote his manifesto in between bites of his baby meat sandwich, while plotting to kidnap Santa Claus and force everyone to learn the accordion. They never consider just why he believed what he did, or if they do, they never offer an alternative solution to the world in which he lived - children as young as three toiling in factories with no safety protocols, the church wielding undue power over the citizenry, people being imprisoned simply for being poor, and your employer could lock you in the factory over Christmas, expecting you to work without sleep, and not even care if you died in an easily preventable fire, and if you complained about the working conditions, you could expect to get beaten for being insufficiently slavish in your devotion.

But no, Marx is the bad guy here for calling all that shit out, sure.

David J Stewart #fundie #crackpot #wingnut

How would Davey know what public school is like? He’s not allowed near schools.

David J Stewart #fundie #sexist

If she is the proper kind of wife, her husband will be praised by others

Why is he getting praised because she works hard to maintain the home? He isn’t doing the work, she is. So she should be getting the…oh. Right.

Davey watched Little House On The Prairie with a semi-chub, didn’t he? And not just because Melissa Gilbert was underaged for most of it. I mean, that was mostly why, but also the whole “wimmins in the kitchen” thing, that too.

Carl R Malavenda #racist #fundie

MUSLIMS CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS BECAUSE THEIR DEMON POSSESSED

Sigh!

They’re.

YOU PIT OF VIPERS YOUR OF YOUR FATHER THE DEVIL, THE FIRST MURDERER!

Sigh!

You’re of your father, the Devil.

No need to dissect the rest of your fundie nonsense, if you can’t even get basic English right.

David J Stewart #fundie #crackpot

1) The existence of lead, appropriately enough, puts a bullet in the idea that the Earth is only 6000 years old. Uranium-238 decays into lead-206. Uranium has a half-life of 4.7 billion years. We have lead on Earth. Do the math.

2) Admitting that you haven’t changed your mind on something since you were twelve is not the take you think it is. You were wrong at 12, and you didn’t get more right with time.

3) You’re still an ephebiphile. Fuck you, fuck what you believe, and fall into a volcano.

Scarlet #conspiracy #crackpot #psycho #transphobia

“For some reason.”

Oh you can’t be fucking serious.

It’s because you’re a Nazi fuckmumple and the PITTwits like to cling to the illusion that they aren’t out and out bigots. They are, but the prefer to lie to themselves, and having an out-of-trenches Nazi fuckmumple waving their flag kinda kills that for them. So they wanna stuff you back in a box and pretend that they’re not the same as you, even though, really, there’s not a sliver of daylight’s difference between you.

Tatsuya Ishida #crackpot #psycho #transphobia #wingnut

The least believable thing about this is the idea that the Germans wouldn’t have gleefully gunned down a mother carrying her child as soon as they spot her. They gassed pregnant women, ffs.

Alexandra Bruce #wingnut #crackpot #racist #conspiracy

@Peacemonger373 #260516

What happened was, Obama’s Marxocratic Homo-Nazis tried to hack the election with a Vote-Hacker 3000. Luckily, Trump’s Troopers reversed this action with a Vote-Hacker-Hacker. Alas, Obama used a Vote-Hacker-Hacker-Hacker to counter them, but he hadn’t counted on Trump having access to the mythical Vote-Hacker-Hacker-Hacker-Hacker.

Trump gets all his ideas from late-90’s Mark Wahlberg movies.

Vic Biorseth #wingnut #fundie #racist

*Ahem!*

Calling you on your bigoted fuckwittery and bullshit is not the same thing as killing you. I know you can’t imagine life without being a bigoted fuckwit, but most people do just fine not being one. Try it. You might like it.

Babylon Bee #wingnut

Didn’t England suffer some heat-related fatalities this year? England? The country famous for it’s dreary, not-at-all warm weather?

Yes, it gets hot in the summer time. Congratulations BB, your editors have learned pattern recognition. The issue is, the severity of the heat. It’s hotter than it should be. Hotter than is normal. And it’s because your ilk keeps sucking off heavy industry and letting them get away with poisoning the atmosphere. I know that climate regulations really cut into all that fucking money that could be made, and we all know that’s all that matters to your kind, but actual fucking human beings are dying and you’re apathy is killing the planet’s ability to sustain our species. That’s not fear-mongering, that’s fucking reality, and you don’t like it because you’d rather be rich than responsible. Tell us again how the Right isn’t in a state of perpetual arrested development.

Bride Ministries International #fundie #wingnut #magick #crackpot #conspiracy

So, your salvation now depends on who you’re related to, and having the wrong family can lead you to eternal damnation?

Your god was an asshole just when he tortured people in magickal fire for all eternity, just because they were human - which he made them. Now he’s taking assholery to strange new places by adding another layer of ‘crime you can’t help but commit.’

One Million Mabels #fundie

@leyo3 #260033

These people are the reason boxes of toothpicks come with instructions.

Illustrated instructions.

Pete Hegseth #wingnut #quack #sexist

“Secretary of Big Boy War and Beer Goggles Okays Gender-Affirming Care For America’s KillBots”
- if the headline were honest.

padded-eevee-pet #sexist #moonbat #transphobia

No no no, sweetheart, Tumblr doesn’t DO that stuff anymore. You want AO3, it’s that-a-way.

Kat Stansell #wingnut #racist #conspiracy

@Conscience #259939

I’d be inclined to believe that Trump had Graham killed himself, to serve as a distraction against all the bullshit going on under his watch, except Trump is such an inveterate egotist and bumbling clown, that he’d spill the entire conspiracy in a tweet at 3:45 AM while eating KFC on the can.

“Just had Lindsay Graham put down like the DOG he is! Very easy when your America’s Favorite President, ME! Nobody commits extrajewdishall assassinashuns like TRUMP! Thank you for you’re attention on this matter, DJT!”

David J Stewart #fundie

“Everybody secretly agrees that I’m right and magic is real and my wife was wrong for finding something objectionable about both my fickle pickle and my short, short eyes!”

Cannabis refugee ; marysunshineredux #sexist #psycho #crackpot

@TatersForever5481 #259757

Thankfully, it’s only weed and not cocaine. If they were cokeheads, they’d be rambling about all the amazing ways they could wipe us menfolk to the brink; but as it’s weed, the most they’ll do is philosophize, stare at their hands, and genocide the world’s supply of Cap’n Crunch.

Maximus #wingnut #psycho #racist #fundie #god-complex

Hold still, dude; I need to use all that edge you’re sporting to shave.

David J. Stewart #fundie #psycho

but there are always consequences.

Kinda like how sexually assaulting underaged girls carries a consequence, huh Stewie?

Rev. Dewayne Walker #fundie #psycho

Y’know, I’m reminded of the Christian summer camp my folks sent me to when I was 10, going on 11; mostly, I remember spending $30 on seashell necklaces for my mom (her birthday was coming up), being forced to switch cabins because I was tall for my age and they didn’t believe I was only 10, and getting told that the government would just randomly decide to become supervillains one day and start chopping off peoples’ heads because bwa-ha-ha-ha foreclosing on orphanages and twirling mustaches are so last season.

The next year they sent me to a Christian summer camp with horses. There, I learned that human life actually has no value, and we’re all worthless, evil, horrible monsters who need to grovel before our perfect creator so he doesn’t step on us like the filthy dung beetles we are.

My point is, if your idea of fun involves scaring people into towing the company line, or shredding their sense of self-worth so they feel they have no choice but to cleave to you like you were the only door floating away from the Titanic, then I do most cordially invite you to go fffffffffuck yourself.

Asmongold #psycho

I would do neck collars. I'm not kidding. I would put neck collars and shock collars on every single one of them and I would say you have to clean up this entire fucking thing, and if you go off the premises, we're gonna zap the fucking shit out of you until you're done. I would.

Zack, there are easier ways to clean the roach-infested cesspit in which you live than collecting people you don’t like as if they were butterflies and slapping slave collars on them.

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #ufo #magick #conspiracy #elitist

@arp #259136

Nope, he’s 100% homegrown NS - Natural Stupidity.

Catholic Apologetics Insight #fundie #wingnut #elitist

“Waaaaugh! The voices in my head are better than the voices in your head! And my voices are better because I do the correct hoodoo dances and toss the right bones and perform the proper woobity-woo magical rituals! So, nyaah!”

Geoffrey Grider #fundie #wingnut

*shuffles papers like a newsanchor*

This just in: telling you ‘no’, is not the same thing as oppression. You can still worship your god, your way. In fact, feel free to do so right now, we won’t stop you. All we ask is that you not attempt to force others to worship your god. We’re respecting you by letting you practice your religion, so just return the favour and we’ll be cool, got it?

Also, if the King James version is the only true Bible, then what is it based on? False versions? Your book is the truth, but it’s based on lies? Didn’t think that one through much, did you?

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #ufo #magick #conspiracy #elitist

Benny, ffs, ‘soul’ spelled backwards is ‘luos.’ Look at the fucking word, you fucking pickle.

Megyn Kelly #homophobia

@TheKingOfRhye #258918

To be fair, there are more people sitting at my little desk, typing away at my laptop on my USB keyboard, in a tiny Saskatchewan town, than there was at Trump’s State Fair.

Parents With Inconvenient Truths About Trans #transphobia

I can understand your confusion as to how to address your deliveryperson. Had they been cisgendered, you could have just said, “thank you for the groceries.”

But because transpeople are space aliens who are unfamiliar with Earth customs and language, some problems can arise when contact is made. For future reference, simply give the Universal Greeting: “Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong."

If their response is to kick you in the jimmies, or punch you in the nose, don’t take it personally, that’s just how they return the greeting in their culture.

2nd Smartest Guy in the World/MaryBowdenMD #quack #crackpot #conspiracy

Let me see if I understand this, 2SmartestManInTheRoomWhereHe’sTheOnlyPerson:

You think the world is run by pedophiles.

You think these pedophiles are trying to reduce the number of children on this planet.

You are impossibly stupid in both directions, buddy.

Mom First #transphobia

Elon didn’t become a megabillionaire by giving people money; whether they be people tilting at the same windmills he is, or people who come up with the ideas he takes credit for.

Dana White #ableist #crackpot #elitist #wingnut #sexist

“Men who admit to being vulnerable are less manly than me, a whiny bitch-boy with a girl’s name!”

Ouch, Dana. That hurt. But not me, because I’m 100% bacon-eating, beard-growing, nail-spitting, dick-swinging man. I’m fine. You sound like you’re going through some shit, though. You okay?

Dan Bilzerian #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

@Bastethotep #256403

Ah, so it is. Neat.

Still, “Let’s gut the important, law-enforcing parts of the government, nothing bad could happen! It could only good happen!” is an idiot’s idea of policy.

…Dude can’t even spell his own name right on his website. And he thinks he can be in Congress?

…No, scratch that, he’d fit right in. If wooden-headed ninnies like Louie Gohmert can make it in politics, Bilzeriawhatever will do just fine.

Mike Stone #wingnut #racist #sexist #homophobia #transphobia #quack #conspiracy

Hey, if we’re still on the theme of ‘going Galt’ for whiteness, I can get behind it. Y’all pasty motherfuckers can go fuck off to the wilderness, and everyone else will try ever so hard to keep society afloat without your many contributions.

Fascipedia and Isabel Medina Peralta #wingnut #racist #conspiracy

“No, guys, I’m not saying we should kill all the Jews! Just the ones I don’t like! Which is, admittedly, all of them, yes, but I can’t say that, I’d catch shit and rightfully so!”

Edward Hudgins #elitist

Waving Ayn Rand around is no different from bringing a doctor’s note to excuse being an asshole.

Lisa Janette #wingnut #crackpot #conspiracy

@TheKingOfRhye #256147

Well clearly when Matt Groening based Lisa on my character, he changed a few things to avoid any legal issues. It might not be a 1:1 indentical thing, but obviously he’s been spying on me for decades. No doubt using those fake-bird drones. Or possibly voodoo. It might have been voodoo.

You are Lisa Simpson

Well, I am intelligent, liberal with a big ol’ L, I play the saxophone (yes, seriously), nobody in my family listens to me even when I’m trying to help or may have an actual point…

Guys, I think she might be right. I think I might be Lisa Simpson. I need a moment to digest all of this, it’s…it’s a lot to take in. I thought I knew myself, but now…I just don’t know anymore…

Matt Kane #wingnut #fundie

How could you trust a person who would gladly and unhesitatingly trade your life and the lives of everyone you know and love, in exchange for imaginary brownie points to be redeemed at an ethereal afterlife clubhouse?

Statement On Christian Nationalism #fundie #wingnut

Other things they deny: basic human rights, abject and observable reality, scientific consensus.

Things they don’t deny: that they are, to a man, utterly dreadful human beings, who, if they ever did get to Heaven, would inspire Jesus himself to take up Satanism just to get away from them.

Poppynlakers #transphobia #wingnut #psycho #enbyphobia

Not.a.Crow/Bo Schwartz #fundie #magick #homophobia #transphobia

Step 1. Light eleven black candles arranged in a pentagram formation.
Step 2. Form a doll from dryer lint, twine, and candle wax, in the rough shape of the offending spirit.
Step 3. Lubricate said doll with Vaseline, KY Jelly, or the flavour of Smuckers of your choosing.
Step 4. Drop trou.
Step 5. Bend over.
Step 6. See where this is going yet? The doll certainly does, and she’s not happy about it.
Step 7. And while Dolly is exploring the final frontier, do make sure to smack your head against the floor in an attempt to finally get it through your skull that demons don’t exist. Maybe it’ll stick this time.