“I was elected the President of the English language! You didn’t hear about it, probably, because Fake News doesn’t cover all the amazing good things I do! Like when I saved Tokyo from Godzilla, or found the lost city of El Dorado - I did, some bad dudes there, big bad dudes, strong bad dudes with tears in there eyes, and they said, the bad dudes said, ‘Mr. President, we’re some bad dudes, but we’re not bad enough dudes to tangle with you,’ so they let me go. They did! They let me go, and they made me the leader of their gang of super-ninjas, and as leader of the bad dude super ninjas, my first act as a criminal terrorist is to kidnap the president!”
*Smoke bomb!*
*Trump vanishes, leaving behind a ransom note in his handwriting, threatening to hurt himself if he isn’t paid twenty million from his own bank accounts.*