“ She heard all that, and only she knew you were talking about her.”
For her entire childhood, my wife pretended she was only attracted to men, when she tends to be more attracted to people based on their personalities, and tends to prefer “feminine” personalities. She had grown up hearing her dad and stepmother say all the usual “Christian” things about sexuality/ When she got a job and moved out of her father’s house at 18, she told her dad the truth, and said, basically, “this is who I am, accept it, or stay out of my life.” She said it was rough at first, but her dad has gone out of his way to show her he loves her no matter what. Still, the obvious relief on his face when she and I started dating was painful for her.
Despite a bit of resentment over the pain he’s caused her, and very different views on many major issues, I get along pretty well with my father-in-law. Still, I’m sure he hasn’t missed that I’m not exactly a traditionally “masculine” man, though I think it may have impressed him when, after I asked for his blessing to marry her (at her insistence, believe it or not,) I agreed to go on a late night dune-buggy ride in the desert with him and a few of his male relatives (if you’ve ever been off-roading in the dark, you know it takes some guts, especially when you don’t know the driver. The thought that they could have left my dead body in a ravine and probably gotten away with it never even crossed my mind, no siree!)
The point is, I sometimes wonder if he would have been more careful with his words if he had known how much they would hurt her from the beginning. Either way, I’m glad she knows now that her father loves her, even if his misguided views on disabilities sometimes lead to him giving well-meaning advice that only hurts her feeling. We’re all works in progress.