kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

Medeea Greere #crackpot #wingnut #conspiracy

Oh yeah? Well Michelle Trachtenberg was gonna write two books about the Satanic pedophilic cannibals that run the hat industry or whatever! And Roberta Flack snuck the secrets of the Cabal into her song lyrics! And my grandma was gonna put together an expose in the form of a saucy puppet show! In fact, everybody who ever died, ever, was really just about to expose the Nefarious Overlords! Nobody ever *just* dies! We’re all immortal, so long as we play along like we don’t see the invisible purple lizard people!

Goat-fucking ghouls, the lot of them.

Chris R. #ableist #conspiracy

Logan B #crackpot #racist #quack #ufo #mammon #conspiracy

If Donald Trump claimed to be the inventor of magical health beds, the majority of the world would think Elon was spiking Don's benzo stash with battery acid in a mad bid to claim the White House. If RFK, Jr took the credit, the majority of the world would chalk it up to the brain worm eating the bits of his grey matter that anchor him to the real world. One is a habitual liar, the other is out of his goddamned mind, and neither are even remotely reputable.

David Icke #wingnut #conspiracy

Candace Owens #conspiracy

@Bastethotep #218762

She married a man who refuses to kiss Der Drumpfkopf's arse, which naturally means she's really a man, according to Candy.

David Icke #wingnut #conspiracy

@TatersForever5481 #218758

I didn't forget them, I did my own research and learned that antifa is really just a hologram of people angry at LEGO-Trump, unicorns and dragons secretly live on the 103rd floor of the Chrystler building, and the moon is really just a very large cake in disguise. It's kinda obvious you think about it all, really.

Pfft, Icky-poo believes that Donald Trump and Elon Musk are REAL people? Obviously they're life-sized LEGO constructs created by the Danish shadow empire and covered in old suitcase upholstery in order to fool the masses into I can't think of anything appropriately stupid right now but trust me the reason is shoe-chewing dumb.

Tatsuya Ishida #racist

Shit, I'd have torched Dr. Jim-Bob, too. If you're going to hold a fucking symposium, dress for the part, and not like you're just cosplaying as a sociologist in between ho-downs.

Ariel (Prolotario1) #crackpot #wingnut #ufo #conspiracy #mammon

“Whatever shall you do when you wake up and the totally real Jetsons-future I'm screaming about doesn't come to pass yet again!”

I dunno, whatever I did the last 15,941.25 times it happened.

Sadanand Dhume #crackpot #dunning-kruger #elitist #pratt #psycho #racist

“We did this horrible thing in the past, why can't we do it again!?”

Because hopefully we've learned some sort of lesson from history, asshole! Jesus fuck!

C.T. #racist

Lauren Boebert #wingnut

In the words of a certain insectile invader, your proposal is acceptable.

Besides, if we put his face on Mount Rushmore, where are we gonna put the rest of him? Or do we just scatter him all over whichever Dakota that is, I dunno American geography.

Genevieve Gluck #transphobia

“It must be true, I saw it on various porn sites! And webpages for sex shops! And in tags on AO3! And if we keep screaming that it's just a fetish, it'll become true!”

Also, I could make a joke about the OP's last name being an obscene onomatopoeia, but I'm way too classy for that.

Liz Wheeler #conspiracy #wingnut

“Yaaaay! People will die from easily preventable diseases again! We'll party like it's 1499!”
- this bitch.

The Sirians via V. D. Shadar #ufo #magick #conspiracy

How does a planet have no cold water? Are the oceans only three inches deep and located entirely around the equator?

Harry Matadeen #quack #crackpot #mammon

It is literally the stuff your kidneys filter out of your blood. Medications, alcohol, drugs, things like that, stuff the human body cannot process. It is literally the excess minerals and vitamins we have to purge from our bodies because too high a concentration can be lethal so our bodies take what they need and literally piss the rest out. It is literally toxic fucking waste.

Newsploy #wingnut #crackpot #conspiracy

Ackshoowillee, NFL stands for “Nuns Flogging Llamas.” It's so obvious that the entire sport of American football was created to hide the nefarious cadre of wimple-wearing ungulate-whippers that really control the world. Source: it was spelled out to me in a bowl of Alpha-Getti when I was eight.

Sidney Secular #wingnut #racist #conspiracy

“Supervillains are real, guys! And anyone who does anything I think is bad is obviously evil and doing the things I think are bad because they're evil and for no other reason! I am a noble knight atop my mighty steed, and these are totally real giants at which I tilt, and not at all mills of the wind variety!”

Tartaria Brazil #crackpot #conspiracy

1. 100 years ago was 1925, a solid 27 years after the discovery of radium.
2. Nobody would ever mistake radium for sugar, of all things. But hey, do feel free to eat a spoonful of the stuff and prove me wrong, okay?
3. And how would it provide free energy anyway? Would they not sell the radium? Would people just steal it to heat their homes? Would the radium last forever, as if half-lives and entropy weren't things?
4. And radium on it's own won't heat shit. You need a medium to generate heat, like, oh, say, water. Which just gives you a new problem, because water really likes shunting stray electrons and protons in an ionized field. There's a reason water is a major environmental hazard in Fallout, the stuff takes to radiation like glitter to human skin.
5. Sometimes established and mainstream science is the real thing. Sorry if that hurts your sense of specialness, but that's just the way it is.

various commenters #transphobia

“Drapetomania no longer being considered a mental illness obviously means that the medical community has been infiltrated by abolitionists and escaped slaves! And women don't have orgasms, they have communicable hysteria! Science never adjusts it's presumptions as new information is made available, that's just silly!”

Jesse Lee Peterson #wingnut

JLP thinks the only place on an airplane black people belong, is the cargo hold.

Also, as someone of Xitter pointed out, when white people (in this case, it was Chuckles Kirk) see a black pilot on their plane, they pray he's competent; when black people see a black pilot on their plane, they KNOW he's competent, because he had to fucking roller skate uphill just to get an interview.

Martin Kerr #racist #wingnut

Under no circumstances could Germany have won the war. Their ideology precluded them from making any of the advances in technology the allies did - remember, physics, especially nuclear physics, were declared to be “Jewish sciences” and therefore bad and icky and not worthy of pursuance - they were a tiny country swinging at much larger dogs and thinking the few victories they made meant they were invincible, and Hitler himself was a piss-poor strategist. Even if he hadn't blown his brains out like a bitch and Germany hadn't surrendered, Nazi Germany could have maintained it's society only through total and continuous war, and they simply didn't have the logistics to pull that off.

various commenters #transphobia

“No guys, bigots are totally known for keeping perspective! They'll only go after one group of people they hate, not all the other groups they hate! Why would they ever do that, they've already stripped one hated group of rights, that would surely satisfy their need to hate people, right?”

Kevin Sorbo #conspiracy #wingnut

Kevin Sorbo, seen here proving once again that his head only serves as a resting place for his hat.

2nd Smartest Guy in the World #wingnut #quack #conspiracy #mammon

I give Bobby Brainworms three business days before he's found naked in the park with his cheeks stuffed full of live pigeons.

Un-silent #biphobia

@JeanP #217052

Bigots are never satisfied hating just one group of people.

Captain Jimmy Paine/James Rink #ufo #crackpot #conspiracy

These people will believe anything. A person could go onto their show, claim to be the real-life Cap'n Horatio M. Crunch, tell stories of their heroism in the Soggy Wars, fighting alongside General Anthony T. Tiger against the dread forces of Booberry and his horde of undead Choculas, and these dim fuckers would eat it with a fucking spoon, no pun intended.

Andrew Anglin #sexist #racist #wingnut

“A woman expressed agency! This must somehow be the fault of DA JYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWZZZZZAAAAA!”

The only way Shrewy could ever get laid is either through force, or by slipping his left hand a roofie, so of course he's pro-rape.

Donald Trump #racist #wingnut #psycho

“And clearly,” Herr Drumpfenfuhrer continued, in a frequency too low for his sycophants to hear but which was plain as day to everyone else, “non-whites and homos could never be smart enough to tell the airplanes not to crash into each other! Nope, and that is why I will make sure all the really important government jobs go to straight white people! Why, Elmo even has some great ideas for putting all those minorities into their own towns where they can live happily without us! I think he called them ‘bantas,’ or ‘bathtubs,’ I dunno, I was too busy, thinking of boobies and treason at the time.”

Lainey #wingnut #conspiracy #fundie #racist

Well clearly he's nothing like Saint Donald of Drumpf, Virtuous Paragon of Righteousness and All-Around Swell Fella, who totally wasn't sued by Richard M.F. Nixon for being a racist pigfucker; who absolutely did not fuck around on his wives; who totally did not raw-dog a porn star as Rent-A-Wife #3 was squatting out his latest nepo baby; who totally did not pay out approximately $26 mil in hush money to the families of the children molested, either by his cronies or by Saint Babyfingers himself; I mean, all MLK did was stand up to a racist system and fight for the rights of his community, which, really, let's be honest here, makes him a million-billion-kajillion times worst than Hitler and Bill Cosby combined.

Jesse Watters #wingnut

I would just like to say, I would really like to punch Jesse Watters in his “hydrocephalic Jimmy Neutron smooshed against a window” face until candy fell out.

BurdensomeCountV3 #elitist

What the hell subreddit is this from, r/nineteenthcenturytwatwafflespulledforwardintime?

And it's another asshole who thinks that, naturally, they'll be one of the spartiates, and not just another helot running from the Purge like the rest of us.

Straight_Rabbit_3542 #moonbat

I say this as someone who was deeply terrified of all dogs as a child, to the point of panicked paralysis and screaming fits, and who has only recently started to work through the issue, even I find this to be a bit fucking much.

AirWinn Oli #quack #conspiracy #fundie

Actually, The Matrix was originally designed to be a sci-fi anime-flavoured comic book with an allegory for the trans experience, according to one of the original directors.

Also, the Luddite utopia I imagine you want us all to live in would have a mortality rate somewhere around 95%, leaving us without a viable breeding population. Maybe you look forward to a future where you can finally express your forbidden love to your more comely cousins, but I've met mine, and they just ain't doing it for me.

Donald J. Trump #wingnut

@CY #216197

True, if only because he has at least enough pattern recognition and capacity for forethought to realize that without liberals to blame everything on, all that will be left is his own glaring incompetence.

Still, he doesn't need nearly as many liberals as are in inexistence to act as a scapegoat. He won't make it illegal to be one, but he also won't be terribly strict with the tag limit when he announces hunting season.

Tatsuya Ishida #conspiracy #psycho #racist

Okay, fuck every square fucking inch of this disgusting psychopath. He has officially become every bit as bad as the Croat, Hatebaby, Stinky Viking, all those fuckers. He has graduated to full on rogue's gallery. Welcome to the Legion of Doom, asshole; you made it to the fucking big leagues of douchebaggery.

Mr Metron666 #transphobia #homophobia

“This marginalized group we offer tokens to had better get on the Mindless Bigoted Fuckspittle bandwagon and start hating this related marginalized group, or else we'll start revoking those tokens.”

Hell of a strategy there, Bob; let's see if it pays off.

Fred S #conspiracy #crackpot

“This book doesn't cater to the brain rot I whole-heartedly adhere to, therefore it is compromised deception, and not me being wrong about a conspiracy theory!”

Andrew Tate #dunning-kruger

Me: Survived two near-fatal accidents before the age of two, one of which required surgery to relieve cranial pressure, the other sent me to the burn ward. Suffered permanent damage to my spine when I was 13, still walk with a cane 32 years later. Suffered a near-complete breakdown just after high school. Homeless twice, living with crippling social anxiety and depression, slowly losing vision in one eye.

(And by no means have I suffered the worst, out of the entire human race. Other people have, and have had it, far worse than me.)

Tater Tot: Got caught with his hand in the human trafficking jar, now facing the consequences of his actions.

We are not the fucking same, you fucking narcissist.

Sorry, Andy, you don't even place in the suffering Olympics. You don't even get to sit in the stadium and watch the events in the suffering Olympics.

Darren Seabolt #fundie

Now, I may just be a simple country jackass on the internet, but would that not create a pressure differential that would pop every complex organic lifeform like an overfilled balloon made of salami and Ragu?

Marianne #transphobia

I think of poor Jazz Jennings

You ain't fooling nobody, kitten. When you ‘think’ of Jazz Jennings, you imagine pushing her onto the same boxcar to the camps you want to put the rest of the transcommunity onto. You have no sympathy for her, she's one of your targeted victims in the making. Why else would you seek to strip her of her rights as a transperson and trivialize her life and her experiences as just a ‘fad’ or a 'fetish?’

Laura Wood #racist #fundie

@Conscience #215814

Yep.

Because Laura Wood-For-Brains doesn't just hold onto one bigotry, she samples them all, like she's at a fuckwit buffet.

Ann Barnhardt #fundie #racist #quack #crackpot #kinkshaming

@Malingspann #215506

There is a relatively recent version where Scrooge, Marley, Cratchit, everyone, is gay as springtime. Fezziwig was even played by Bruce Valanch. I've not seen it, I avoid Christmas movies like the plague, save for the odd RB special and a few iterations of ACC, but from what I've heard it's okay-ish at best.

And she acts like Scrooge likes being a lonely old miser - he's still hurt because his sister died and he let Belle slip away. Everyone he loves leaves him, so he clings to the one thing that will never hurt him, his money.

The Rev. Steven Roland #fundie

“Sitting in my underwear on a Sunday morning eating candy and watching reruns” is literally how I spent my Sundays as a kid. It was…alright, I hated Sundays, it never had any good cartoons. It was like diet Saturday with extra aspartame.

Also, oh good, the other lunatics see how insane the Calvinists are. Now if only they could make the mental leap to divorce themselves from the fruitbattery in which they are all ensconced.

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #ufo #magick #quack #conspiracy

Roque alien factions claim ownership over us

No they don't. Also, what is a ‘roque’ alien? Are they delicious?

Because they have altered our DNA

No, they didn't.

They are fighting with other factions over holographic dream realms
That they want to be masters of

Your imaginary supervillains are dumb.

This is a game so complex
It is easy to get lost in it

I can quit Sims 4 any time I want. I just don't want to, I find screaming at three people who just stand around like especially stupid potatoes while I'm trying to get them to go to work, not starve to death and use the bathroom to be relaxing.

Lost in the drama
Lost in the physical senses
And estranged from our innate 3d heart light technology

This Robotman reboot sounds weird. And I'm probably the only person on Earth who actually remembers the old Robotman cartoon.

Now is the time to wake up and claim your sovereignty
And jump on board your inner holodeck simulation conceptor

Huh. So that's what that weird beeping was. I thought it was just gas.

The Grand Canyon has been strip mined for uranium copper and iridium
These precious metals are used for off world agendas
Sap from giant trees can be synthesized into an ambrosia life sustaining elixir
And also into an ecstasy like drug

Uh…huh. No, Benny, maple syrup is not actually an immortality potion. At least, not the thick sugar-goop you get in the States. Now, the Canadian stuff, yeah, that does extend human lifespans, and it also bestows a host of superpowers, but that's just one more reason Herr Drumpfenfuhrer wants to conquer us, I guess.

Spices animate the body
And allow entrance into portals
Making it one of the most valuable substances in the multiverse

…
*shotguns a tablespoon of cinnamon to gain multiverse-travel powers, regrets it all immediately*
Callin’ bullshit on that, Benny.

The first beings here were insectoids
Ruled by the Ant Queen
They are still here

And I for one welcome our insect overlords!

Gamma rays from the sun improve our brain waves
Making a better connection between the left and right brain hemispheres
The sun simulator blocks out a lot of gamma rays

If the sun pumped out gamma radiation, Benny, than the Earth would be a bleached, lifeless rock. Or we'd all be the Hulk, but I think the ‘dead planet’ thing is more likely.

On Dunangus Island in Irishmore Ireland
Is the remains of a soul shard library
Soul shards are returning to their rightful owners
And people are feeling more whole
We live on a toroidal extension of a vortex
And it is covered with an electromagnetic sheath

Uh…huh…

If we lived on a globe
People would be falling off everywhere
Except the north pole

Can these people not think in three dimensions? How hard is it to understand that on a three-dimensional sphere, ‘down’ is always in the direction of the planetary core?

Believing you are on a globe
Circling a gigantic fireball of gas
Separates you from reality

I don't think there's enough cinnamon and maple syrup in the spherical world to make me see your reality, Benny.

The monetary system is a control system
Where you do not have to use whips and chains!

But we could still use the whips and chains, right? I mean, if we wanted to, that is; for, you know…personal reasons?

Telestai Nexus #crackpot #quack #magick #wingnut

*Sigh!*

Kubrick didn't name HAL. Arthur C. Clarke did. You didn't even know the movie was based on a book, kindly sit the fuck down.

Also, no, IBM does not precede HAL. “Precede” means “came before.” The word you're looking for, you waffle, is ‘succeed,’ that thing in life you have never and will never do.

Mike Stone #wingnut #crackpot #racist #conspiracy

It's the Santa Ana, Mike. Imagine hurricane-force winds, minus the rain, and made of fucking hatred and fire. It's not a new fucking thing, you lying opportunistic shitbag.

Ann Barnhardt #fundie #racist #quack #crackpot #kinkshaming

Gather ‘round, one and all, and bear witness as the amazing contortionist bends and folds a beloved classic and it's message into an ideological pretzel of bigoted brain-fuckery! Watch as someone who doesn't know what the sexuality spectrum is, declares that a character is asexual just because they don't fuck! Watch her claim that a greedy man simply must be a Jew (He isn't, but you know who is? All Three Stooges. Adam Sandler taught me that.) And behold as he realizes that his own mortality and legacy are on the line, which must mean he something something Jesus!

Candace Owens #conspiracy #transphobia

“Freedom of speech” does not mean you get to lie about people, or that they have to tolerate you lying about them. Welcome to Consequencetown, bitch. Population: your lopsided ass.