“My fellow Americans, when I was young I fought in World War II, the PT boat I commanded was sunk, and I received a back injury that kept me in pain for the rest of my life. Compared to that, wearing a cloth mask is nothing. I can’t believe how much some of you, to use a word trendy in your time, snowflakes are bitching and moaning about having to wear a mask–you remember my ‘Ask what you can do for your country’ line, right? Well, your country wants you to wear a mask to help defeat a dangerous pandemic, you whiny tools.
Now excuse me, I gotta go bang Marilyn Monroe again.
Sincerely,
JFK”