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Brand New Bible for the "New Age" (shortened)

"And it came to pass, after several billion years (give or take several hundred million), the sun decided to accidentally throw out Uranus, Pluto, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, etc., in different sizes at different distances with different atmospheres. In thus doing, it also accidentally threw out an Earth, which (accidentally) formed water and plants out of molten lava. After a few billion years (give or take several hundred million, either way), an accidental combination of elements got together and accidentally formed a genetic code chain that could dictate what kind of life would be produced. Whereupon this accidentally produced a one-celled animal which couldn't produce a two-celled animal (or a three, or four, or five, or six celled, etc., animal).

"And thus it came to pass that over 20,000 species of animals were produced accidentally, to no purpose, and man was one of them. And evolution took the planaria that it had made from a paramecium, and created a jellyfish and brought it to a nonsexed, neuter, hermaphrodite and called it ~woman.~ (Or protozoa, coelenterata, platyhelminthes, or ctenophora: evolution only knows!) And evolution said, 'It is not good for the monkey to be alone. I will make a mate for him.' So it accidentally made 'Lucey' for 'Magic,' and he called her 'Baby' because she was taken out of a monkey.

"And after 6,000 years of killing, cannibalism, torture, murder, embezzlement, fraud, famine, Iying, swearing, cheating, stealing, and killing the monkey (or femur, or tarsier, or whatever) accidentally decided he had 'rights' that came from the spermatophytes, thallophytes, bryophytes, and ptendophytes, so he gave himself the right to cheat, abort, swear, lie, misrepresent, steal, pervert, extort, defraud, torture, and kill and called these rights, 'Civil Rights.'

"Today, at the very pinnacle of creation, the monkey (or 'great ape,' or 'hominoid,' or whatever) is 'the measure of all things.' He verily 'hash arrived.' He now knows why he came into being, accidentally; it was to please himself. At last he hath a goal: to make himself comfortable. In the next seven years, this will be done by perversion, extortion, rape, drug abuse, Iying, swearing, embezzlement, cheating, cannibalism, terrorism, perversion and killing, evolution willing!

"Even so, may the fittest survive! Amen! "

If this ever happens, I sure hope the rapture precedes it. I don't think I want to be around when everyone is celebrating "the most important event in human history" (which is how it would be sold) and are falling on their knees praising our benevolent "space brothers," while Christians might be the only ones left denying their benevolence. It seems like it would be a natural starting point for severe persecution. Everyone would celebrating the arrival of aliens, while we'd be singing a different tune.

We'd be looked at as being "intolerant" of not accepting the "clear truth" of aliens. We'd maintain our devotion to our faith, and the "believers" in aliens probably wouldn't like that too much. Instead of having faith in aliens, we'd continue to have faith in a God they can't see and don't know.

Not that I spend my time worrying about being persecuted for it as there is already plenty of real persecution going on around the world against Christians, but I think it would truly isolate us as never before, and would make spreading the Gospel a more dangerous endeavor than it's ever been. If it happens, I hope we're gone by then. Trying to convince people of the truth would be like trying to talk to an angry brick wall that has fists and guns. However, if we're not gone, I know that despite the obstacles, souls would still come to Christ.

But I've already heard this response to my own opinion that aliens, if real, are probably demonic: "It's just so much like you Christians to HATE things that don't agree with YOUR faith! These beings are here to help us, and you say they're evil! What's wrong with you people!? You're such hate-mongers!!"

That's the type of reaction I've had based on a theoretical discussion regarding aliens. Imagine if they ever showed up for real...