I’m very sorry to hear this, Bast. I also lost a pet several years ago, the family dog (our first one, in fact). I still remember it like it was yesterday; a warm summer day, mother away to the store I think, my sister away with friends, and me upstairs as my father was preparing the BBQ before my grandparents would come over. Suddenly, dad yelled out to me, he saw our (very old) dog suddenly collapsing on his legs and spitting out blood.
When mom came home she immediatly called the vet and told him to “bring what’s necessary”. The vet told us that our dog was on his last legs and would probably live for just a few more weeks at the most, and not very comfortably. So my parents decided to put him down while he at the very least wasn’t alone. While I didn’t disagree with the rationale, I simply couldn’t bear to watch it, so I went inside for a few minutes as the deed was done.
When I came outside afterwards, I still remember seeing our dog lying there, dead. The first time in my life I’ve ever seen a corpse; those empty eyes… I was a bit traumatized by it. My grandparents comforted me as my parents helped the vet clean up.
And then, by the evening my sister came home, not yet aware of what happened, and in a very good mood. And then my parents broke the news, she screamed and started crying.
For some time afterwards the house just felt so empty without him… And I wasn’t ready yet to get another pet for several years; even though the dog was an emotional support for me as I struggled with depresssion.