Analysis: What If Woke Liberals Didn't Get To Label Everything?
Introducing the Washington Free Beacon Alternative Style Guide for Reporting on Issues of Controversy (ASGRIC)

It goes without saying: The mainstream media is run by liberal activists. This ideological bias manifests itself in several ways, including the words journalists are allowed to use when discussing controversial issues.

(1.5 paragraphs of hyperbolic whining about how journalists are forced to write)…

The woke words and phrases used in media reports would make a lot more sense to the average American if these people weren't in charge—if journalists were forced to abide by the Washington Free Beacon Alternative Style Guide for Reporting on Issues of Controversy (ASGRIC):

Undocumented immigrant → Foreign-born fugitive from justice
Gender-affirming care for minors → Child abuse
LGBTQQIP2SAA+ rights → Gay rights
Drag Queen → Gender appropriator
Abortion → Extrajudicial fetal assassination, anti-life health care
Death penalty → Justice affirming care
Assault rifle → Freedom friend, justice dispenser
Racially inclusive → Racially obsessed
Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion → Six-figure consulting fees
Black Lives Matter → Scam PAC
Pro-Palestinian activist → Jew hater
Teachers' unions → Anti-child activists
Tax cuts → Restorative justice
Democracy dies in darkness → Democracy thrives on Jennifer Rubin columns
War on Women → Kinetic military action against individuals with an active uterus
#MeToo era → Brief period of anti-male activism from 2017 until Tara Reade's credible accusation of sexual assault against Joe Biden
Speak truth to power → Leave Joe Biden alone
Hillary Clinton → Crooked
Long Covid → Mental illness
New York City Subway → Public toilet
WNBA fans→ Liars
Soccer → Performative falling
Bicycle → Morally abhorrent nerd-conveying road hazard
Happy Holidays → Merry Christmas
God bless you → God bless America