kuyohashi

@kuyohashi

Nick Fuentes #wingnut #fundie #sexist #homophobia #conspiracy

You acknowledge that you and your beliefs are in the minority, and yet think that somehow, you'll find the numbers needed to enforce your evil on an entire country over 300,000,000 heads large?

Nick, I thought you were floor-licking stupid when you hoisted the banner for people who would gleefully drag you behind their pickup trucks just for having the wrong last name. Now…now I think I need a submarine just to measure your intellect - it’s so low, it's under the sea.

NeuroptimusPrime #crackpot #magick #ufo

I dunno, Victor from Area 51 I might have believed; Victor's a good sort, always quick with a witty retort, and the man will help you move a piano up three flights of stairs, and ask only for a Dr. Pepper as payment.

But then you bring Don from the Navy SEALS into the equation, and I start to question your reliability. Don from the Navy SEALS is an asshole and a flake. He owes me $3.50 from years back (long story, Italian restaurant, biker gang, had to replace some windows, not important.) and stole my favorite jacket, the one with the girl from Cool World on the back riding an ostrich.

So I'm split on whether to trust the stuff you said about magic being real and folks everywhere actually witnessing it.

Timothy Fitzpatrick #racist #wingnut #conspiracy

“David Duke is a Leftist Commie-shill for the race-mixers and their Jew overlords!!!"

*mouth goes agape as I take in the epic scale of this otherwise unimaginable concept, slowly going mad as I gaze into the maw of Chthulu But It's a Stupid Contradictory Idea Instead Of A Towering Winged OctoGod From Beyond.*

Congressman Paul Gosar & various commenters #wingnut

“Look! Jews are funding both parties!”

“No, some Jews are Democrats, some Jews are Republicans, and they're supporting their respective parties. They aren't some monolithic hivemind.”

“I don't know what ‘mono-linoleum hide-mime’ means, I just know I don't like out-groups and enjoy making up bullshit about them!”

Ben Garrison #wingnut

Herschel Walker not only didn't know his fucksies and hypocrisy would be exposed, he probably had no idea he was running for the Senate. The man clearly has some neurological damage from getting tackled for twelve years, although we probably won't know the full extent for some time because CTE can't be properly diagnosed while the patient is still alive.

And let's not get it twisted here, the GOP is only backing Walker because they think he can be controlled in his compromised state. Otherwise, they'd run a black candidate who didn't go off on Dadaist tangents or who didn't violate so very many of their purported values.

Remember those? Remember “values?” Things like, “if you're against abortion, maybe don't pay for so many that you escort your dates to the wing of the clinic named after you? Or if you've changed your stance on the matter, maybe own up to it and don't hide it or lie about it when it inevitably comes out, as all things do?” Or, “maybe don't threaten to kill your wife and/or girlfriend, and double-dog definitely don't actually point the fucking gun at them?”

Remember when Republicans at least pretended to stand for things, put forth the illusion that they had standards and a platform?

Yeah, me neither.

Balddog4 #psycho #wingnut #crackpot

Trump is almost like somebody saw Mel Brooks’ depiction of the Nazis, didn't get that it was supposed to be mockery, and tried to emulate that. Incompetent Hitler is still Hitler, just incompetent. The next Trump - who won't actually be a Trump, because that family couldn't navigate their way through the maze on the back of a box of Honeycombs, let alone into an American legacy - might not be such a fucking buffoon, which is where the danger lies. Deal with Incompetent Hitler while Hitler is still incompetent, before you have to deal with Knows-What-The-Fuck-He's-Doing-And-Is-Chillingly-Efficient-At-It Hitler when he pops up.

I'm done saying Hitler for the day, I think.

Dr. Vernon Coleman #wingnut #conspiracy #elitist

@ChurchyLaFemme #147062

Oh that's easy. See, the green, let's-not-kill-the-only-planet-humans-live-on loonies love the idea of over-pollution killing the planet, that they went full-bore Hoggish Greedly and actually started forcing industries to pump out lethal poisons that would cause real climate change. Before that, you could climb up to any smoke stack or run-off pipe, put your lips over it, and suck down some of that sweet and nutritious “freedom sludge,” with no ill effects.

Benjamin Fulford #crackpot #conspiracy #wingnut #racist

Ben Garrison #conspiracy #wingnut

“Half the population.” Pfft, you fucking wish, Benjy.

He really believes it, too. He's absolutely convinced that the MAGA cult is literally half the fucking country, instead of that rowdy gang of kids who congregate at the back of the bus so nobody can see them light their own farts.

Marjorie Taylor Greene & Various commenters #wingnut

@Spacewyrm #146884

Oh no, I caught on to that, too. Frankly, it's never a surprise when the Trump-Monkeys and disgruntled ex-thereofs dip into their Antisemitism Jar, so I didn't think commenting on it was important. Everybody's a Jew. MTG's a Jew, I'm a Jew, you're a Jew, we're aaaaaaaall Jews, if we don't dance to these fuckers’ tune, whether anyone included in the previous groups were Jewish or not. Living their lives must be a truly frightening experience.

I mean, that isn't even Danny DeVito's real nose, ffs.

Unnamed pickup truck driver #conspiracy #quack

This Dipshit: “DOGS LICK THEIR BUTTS, WHICH GIVES THEM CANCER ON THEIR TONGUE! THEY THEN PASS THAT CANCER ON TO HUMANS!!”

Sane Person: “Wait, hold a tic…how does the cancer on the dog's tongue get into people?”

TDP: “…THROUGH PERFECTLY NORMAL ACTIVITIES THAT EVERYONE DOES!”

SP: "…You make out with your dog, don't you?”

TDP: “PERFECTLY NORMAL ACTIVITIES!!”

Marjorie Taylor Greene & Various commenters #wingnut

I like how they try to compare MTG to the Penguin. Like, no. No, sweetie, MT-ex-G is sub-Ten-Eyed Man, as far as Batman villains go. Condiment King is a more dire threat than she is.

Also, apparently being literal terrorists is no different than just wearing a hat, or voting for Russian Agent Orange, I guess.

And if the midterms were rigged in the Dems favour, then why wasn't Madgie sent packing back to the trailer park that belched her forth unto the world? DC's been unBoeberted, surely the nefarious Biden cadre could have arranged for Margie to have an electoral downfall? Curious that they got rid of one slack-jawed treasonous buffoon, but decided to keep the other?

Elon Musk, Donald Trump Jr., Rep. Clay Higgins (R-La.), Dinsesh D’Souza, Sebastian Gorka, Mike Cernovich and other activists #wingnut #conspiracy #homophobia

Are we still going on about Paul Pelosi? Dude, that happened, like, last week. The new thing is how Ted Cruz’ gay lover threw a beer can at the Cubano Carbuncle. Get with the times, man!

@JonKUhlerLPC #transphobia #conspiracy

@Starlight #146797

Because nobody is *ever* really trans, they just think they are because their poor widdle brainsponges have been chewed to pieces by big bad pornography.

various commenters #wingnut

They came for Alex Jones, and I fucking cheered because that fat asshole finally faced the consequences of shilling his assholery for profit, hang who he hurt.

They came for Steve K. Bannon, and I fucking cheered, because that racist, fascist fucker tried to dismantle the country just so he could get a pat on the head while he was down on his knees sucking off The Lyin’ King.

They came for Mike Lindell, and I fucking did a heel click, which ain't easy for a fat arthritic guy, because he's been the Daughterfucker-In-Chief's primary Johnny Bullshitseed, when he isn't using his pillow company as an obvious cover for dealing horse to kids.

Anyone else they come for, be they mule-faced heir to the Golden Man-Child's illusory fortune, a barely literate Hee-Haw skit come to life, or America's Drippiest Mayor, will have earned their shiny new chrome bracelets and a stay in the draftiest fucking prison cell.

On the upside, I'm sure they could make some money with all the books they'll write. If only their fanboys could read…

The One via Galaxygirl #ufo #magick #crackpot

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #ufo #magick #quack

Will we be like, season six Simpsons, or post-season nine? I'm just wondering which it'll be, because if I'm living my new animated life ala “Lisa's Wedding,” or “Who Shot Mr. Burns,” okay then. Good, solid stuff. But if it's just one long slog through “The Principal and the Pauper,” then I would like to put in my request for a long, painful death via slow-cooker now, thanks.

Various commenters #wingnut #racist

@Malingspann #146348

Elevator pitch: A new Die Hard. Female lead, no major changes to plotline. NYPD cop drawn into rescuing their wife from terrorist takeover/heist. Sit back, enjoy popcorn, watch the heads of many a chud explode at lesbian action Christmas glory.

Mike Adams the Health Ranger #conspiracy #wingnut #quack

Oh no! If only the 13th Amendment existed!!

Seriously, let's play pretend along with Mikey here and say, sure, some corporation - Chuck E. Cheese Incorporated for our purposes, because honestly, they would fucking do it - creates an injection that makes humans into man-taco hybrids. And then they try to patent said mantacos. Whoops, here comes that pesky Constitution, cockblocking our tacoman-enslaving mousebot overlords with some bullshit about how humans can't be property, and even with a 50% Old El Paso genetic overlay, we're still dealing with 50% human, and I'm pretty sure that's covered under any laws banning slavery.

Merlin via Galaxygirl #magick #ufo #crackpot

This certainly does read like it was written in the presence of some purple cosmic smoke, yeah.

Nichole Morgan/JC/Rob #fundie #wingnut #conspiracy

@Malingspann #145758

Nah, he found some weird sunglasses that let him see evil people without their human-suits on. You'd better put them one when he tells you to, or else he'll wreck your groin in an alleyway.

David Chase Taylor #crackpot #conspiracy #wingnut

“JIMMY, IT'S DOING IT AGAIN! I SWEAR TO CHRIST, THIS KEYBOARD HATES ME!”
“…”
"JIMMY? IT'S DOING THE BIG LETTERS THING…JIMMY?”
“…”
“OH…THAT'S RIGHT…JIMMY DOESN'T COME AROUND ANYMORE…”

(melancholic piano music plays as Grampa sadly hunts-and-pecks at the keyboard, cursing in vain everytime he thinks he's found that rascally Big Letters Key, only to have his dreams dashed when the computer beeps defiantly as he presses something he shouldn't.)

And hey, I just want to say it's nice to see DCT covering all his bases. Seriously, he took almost every possible contingency for the motor vehicle-related death of Taylor Swift into consideration. I'm seriously surprised he didn't include zombie apocalypse or Gamera attack as potential plans for the CIA to assassinate her.

Also, why is the CIA assassinating Taylor Swift? And have they done it yet? it's 8: 23 PM on October 28th, 2022 as I type this, they'd better get a move on if they want to pull off Operation: I Guess We Do This Now For Some Reason.

Right of Atilla #wingnut #conspiracy

Silky. Voiced. Crooner.

Alex Jones. The bullshit-artist who tells stupid horrible people to harass grieving parents. That guy.

Imma ignore how you shill for bullshit-peddlers to spread harmful lies without fear of repercussions and point out instead that Jones sounds like he's been inhaling some of those gay frogs of his and getting them stuck halfway down his gullet.

Also, fuck Alex Jones. That goes without saying, really, the man painted targets on the backs of grieving families in order to scam stupid assholes of their money. He gave no consideration to the harm he inspired, never made any effort to correct his nonsense, never admitted to his lying and now whines when the consequences of his bullshit catch up to him.

Fuck. Fucking. Alex. Fucking. Jones.

Babylon Bee #wingnut #transphobia

The keep saying “pretend President” but don't mention Trump even once in their one-joke. Curious.

Lisa Renee #crackpot #magick #ufo #conspiracy

I dunno man, this story leak for the next Xenosaga game seems almost obnoxiously convoluted. Like, I know the main trilogy went hard into incomprehensible nonsense, but this almost sounds like a parody of JRPG complexity.

Hmm? What's that? This is something someone somewhere actually believes? This person honestly thinks this word salad is somehow a real thing? It's not actually the plot synopsis for a weird cult game about lesbian robots and aliens from heaven?

Well…that is rather…concerning.

PPEcel #dunning-kruger #psycho

I've always felt that “life isn't fair” was just a backhanded polite way of saying “being an asshole benefits me, and fucked if Imma give that shit up!”

Also, the latest episode of “Incels Don't Get How Humans Work, To The Surprise of None.”

US Anon #conspiracy #crackpot #fundie

This Dolt: “Look at all the math corresponding to arbitrary things that I've decided to tie together on my cork board o’ madness! This all proves nefarious doings are a-foot!”

Sane Person: “Why would our supposed evil overlords plant all these clues around that inform the populace about their doomy dooms of doom?”

TD: “Because they think we're stupid!!”

SP: “Yeah, one conversation, or hell, just eye contact with you, and I can see how they might arrive at that conclusion.”

@Trini_Patriot #quack

@Malingspann #145009

Tom Servo in a lab coat. Well, it's a coat. He dyed it white. But he uses words like “indubitably” and “apotheosis” and “hypoallergenic” while wearing it, so it's exactly the same thing as being a scientist.

Candace Owens #conspiracy #wingnut

Of course Candace is shilling for Yeezy; if he does buy Parler, that's how many millions of dollars flowing into her household?
She can't very well risk that kind of money, she isn't smart enough to keep coming up with new ways to defend GOP horridness.

Donald J Trump & various commenters #wingnut

Oh Jesus FUUUUUUCK, the whole “Trump won but the mean Liberals won't give him back absolute power that he totally had!” refrain is getting so fucking stale at this point. Turn the record over, numbnuts, he fucking lost. Two goddamned years and we still have to hear the snowflakes bitching about how Trump-sempai is still God-King but Doddering Old Joe the Cannibal won't stop with the evil.

If this is what the next few decades are going to be like, until Trump fades from public memory, then let Putin nuke us.

Various commenters #wingnut #fundie

@Malingspann #145007

Ah yes, RWJ (Republican White Jesus). Who famously said, “Yea, surrender not thy gun, but aim it heartily at those who look different, those who think different, those who love different, and also at smart people and people who still give a shit. And whatsoever you do unto the least of my brothers, I didn't see it and the little fucker probably deserved it, so kick him again!”

Thierry Baudet #conspiracy #crackpot #psycho #wingnut

A global conspiracy of evil reptiles, eh? Well, if Saturday morning cartoons has taught me nothing else - and really, they haven't - the only counterpoint to a conspiracy of evil reptiles is a group of good reptiles, maybe with a bullet train as a mobile headquarters, and a group of sassy, multi-ethnic-but-not-too-ethnic kids to help out. Oh, and they should have a dog. And one of the kids dresses up like a reptile because kids are stupid like that.

I'm sorry, I was busy mapping out my future cash-cow franchise, what were we talking about again? Something serious and legitimate and worthy of our time and attention? No? Cool, back to casting the live action AwesomeSaurs movie for me, then.

AwesomeSaurs? Radtiles? Aw fuck, how did Eastman and Laird do this shit?

Carrots90 & pennygadget #transphobia

“I invent people who support my bigotry, agree with my wrongness and who illustrate how full of shit I am, and refuse to ever engage with the people I demonize; and would certainly never think to actually talk to one of the transkids I claim to ‘care’ about, because then I'd have to face the fact that I've dehumanized them by reductively patronizing their life choices and ignoring their own agency to feed my oppression-boner! Transkids are actually just gay, and if they ever disagree with me, then it's because their parents made them do it! I'm always right, and nothing could ever be except what I say it is! All hail my infinite wisdom!”

Go fuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK yourself, you self-righteous, apathetic cunts.

Redemption News #wingnut #conspiracy #mammon

@Malingspann #144383

Pfft, these idiots think the G in 5G represents gravitational force. Honestly, I'm impressed they can type their nonsense onto the internet with so few spelling mistakes.

AprilRain24, bmassey1 #quack #magick #crackpot #conspiracy

Yeah, you wanna cure diabetes with some fire cupping? Maybe take some mercury pills for your hayfever? Go right the monkey-fuck ahead, sweetheart. The rest of us will use real medicine to solve our issues, thankyewverrymush. And when you go nanners from the mercury or slip into a diabetic coma because giving yourself cup-hickies isn't solving anything, we'll try so very hard not to laugh. Too loudly.

finboy818 #wingnut #pratt

Except you weren't left behind, you were perfectly free to join the rest of the human race at your own leisure. You chose not to, preferring to sit in your own feculence and whine about how nobody wanted to be near the whiny, shit-scented crybabies you had chosen to be, or listen to you whinge on about how “bitches don't like me because I'm too nice! I should rape them all, because that's what 'nice guys’ do.”

You built the cross you're hanging on, and you can hop off anytime you want, you just like the attention you get.

@Teamsaveamerica #wingnut

“So really, when you get right down to it, when we eventually seize power, hand it over to a militarized strongman, crush all dissenting voices and begin exterminating those we deem unworthy of existence, it'll be all your fault. We didn't want to be monsters, you forced our hand. Why do you make us hit you?”

When your entire argument sounds like Ike Turner trying to get back into the apartment after another fight with Tina, you know you lost any claim to the moral high ground.

Feynman and Coulter's Love Child #homophobia #pratt

@Yutolia #144510

Dead gay people and the thought of dead gay people are how this gnat-dicked corpsefucker gets his sick jollies off. It's his porn, his grand crusade. One dead gay kid is his version of climbing Mount Doom and tossing in the One Ring - it's his quest and he won't stop until he can view the crime scene photos in a dark room all by himself with some tissues on stand-by.

And I hope your friend's daughter is doing okay, and is exploring options in response to that over-reaching bullshit.

Dana Loesch #wingnut

Hey, Dana Leech was able to pull her hand out of her panties over mental images of school shootings long enough to type something horrible on the internet? Will wonders never fuckin’ cease?

@Malingspann #144511

I believe it rhymes with “roach”, which is ironically appropriate, given what this light-eschewing vermin does with her time.
If she doesn't sound familiar, she's the NRA puppet who ‘ranged at David Hogg because he, for some fuckin’ bizarre reason found school shootings and dead children and the profiteering involved in such things to be, oddly enough, bad.

Donald J. Trump #wingnut

Holy fuck, he's gone and done it. He's become a parody of himself. This reads like John Oliver's writers put their worst “Trump can't talk good” jokes into an text-bot, and this - THIS - got spat out.

*claps hands* It's all over, comedians. It's done, everybody outta the pool. Nobody can Trump Trump better than Trump Trumps Trump. From now on, whenever we want to mock this teetering malapropism in a badly fitted suit, we'll just dangle a microphone over his word-hole and capture whatever language-soup dribbles out.

BLOGMAN - BLACKSMITH OF TRUTH #crackpot #conspiracy #magick

Huh. I mean...okay, I guess, booze voids our souls from our bodies so ghosts can go joyriding in them and do hedonistic things. Whatever. My question is, why do I get the boring ghosts who think “go to bed early” is hedonistic? Because I'm not a chatty drunk or a fun drunk, I'm a sleepy drunk. Explain that one, O Mighty Guru of Nonsense.

Bennett Lee Ross #crackpot #conspiracy #ufo #magick #quack

But Bennett, what about all the unicorns that don't want to go on roller coasters? Will they still get suspenders for their tongues, or will they, much like France and turquoise before acorns, be condemned to sit in the elevator as it slowly fills with cheesy popcorn? I only ask because bottle caps have been screaming about the squirrels playing bagpipes from their zeppelins, and nobody wants more potatoes, especially if fish don't scratch. Surely there must be some shovels left over for our elbows to hug, or at least dreams of prairie dogs spinning on water that we can all taste?

Andrew Basiago/Dr. Michael Salla #crackpot #ufo #conspiracy

Wait, I'm almost as confused as Andrew Basiago is whenever reality rears it's ugly head - I thought he was part of a time-travel program in the '80's, along with Barack Obama. How did he ever find the time to jaunt to Mars on the regs, if he also had to get his parents to the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance so they could fall in love and Chuck Berry could discover “Johnny B. Good” at the same time?

Or was he also part of the government's clandestine cloning program, as well?

@AbsMcFabs #transphobia

@Yutolia #142560

Jee-fucking-zuss, I hope he got fired, charged, and a tire iron in the nuts for that bullshit.

Marjorie Taylor Greene & Various commenters #wingnut #racist

@Timjer #142549

Someone tell Donald. I'm sure the son of Fred “I got my alabaster ass arrested at a fucking Klan rally in 1925 because I was such a shitweasel that I offended even those archaic and disgusting sensibilities!!” Trump will simply love that.

And at this point, Gab is an…interesting vertical slice of what the Right has always been, but has kept - or tried to keep, to less-than-stellar effect - secret. It's like someone made a terrarium of a plane crash - it's horrific and I can't look away, and I'm more than a little concerned the conflagration might escape it's enclosure, but at the same time, it's…oddly adorable, in a quaint “aww, y’all a bunch of ign’ant fuckmonkeys, ain'tcha?” kinda way, if that makes any sense.

Congressman Paul Gosar & Various commenters #wingnut

“Why hasn't anyone defeated the Shadowy Cabal of Made-Up Supervillains that we made up!??!”

I've seen legit poultry smarter than these idiots. And not just on my Opa's farm, I mean, in the freezer section at A&P.

DarkMTS_57 #dunning-kruger #homophobia #sexist

The Critical Drinker #wingnut #pratt #dunning-kruger

“Gay people in muh vidya? Cancel them!!”
“Trans characters in muh tv shows? Cancel them!”
“Non-whites in my fantasy stories? Cancel them!”
“Green strong woman show? Why no green strong man? Women not be strong! Hypocrite SMASH!!”

“Why do the libs keep trying to cancel racism and bigotry in media? Why don't they support freeze peach like we do?”

GraceHoward1729 #transphobia

WOMEN ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO HAVE EVER OR CAN EVER SUFFER OR BE OPPRESSED!! I DON'T KNOW WHY THAT'S SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND, OR WHY EVERYONE'S SHOUTING!!!

Except, yeah, no. Transpeople are being murdered for existing. You? You find wearing high heels to be the same as working a plantation under Massa's whip. Not the same thing in the slightest.

Also:

general public, are you hearing this? hello?!

No, sweetie, we can't all hear the voices in your head telling you to burn down other people because you have such a low opinion of yourself that you assume everyone else does, too. Transwomen aren't “jacking off to your suffering.” They aren't playing dressup to hurt you, they aren't that worried about your considerations at all, they're a bit too busy trying to convince the world that they aren't a fetish and deserve a place in the world. Kinda like you are, except they aren't generally trying to place gold at the Oppression Olympics.

Jonathan Cahn/Charisma House #fundie #wingnut #magick #conspiracy

About as plausible as Gozer, Slaanesh and the Warring Triad teaming up to hold a bikini carwash to raise enough funds to rebuild the Heart of Lorkhan.