“Windmills cause cancer.”
“Windmills kill whales.”
“I, Donald John Trump, will love you, Ivana I'm Not Even Gonna Attempt To Say Your Last Name, for as long as I live and will never cheat on you.”
“The same thing as the above, but swap the name with Marla Maples.”
“Now do it a third time, but with Melania Knauss’ name.”
“Sure, Eric, I…can acknowledge some genetic connection with you in public, that doesn't offend me in the slightest.”
“Go back to sleep, Ivanka; you're dreaming right now, and no, Daddy isn't going through your underwear drawer.”
“Of course I deserve to be on the Fortune 500 list. I'm totally a billionaire.”
“My father loved me, hugged me often, and never once called me a hideous moron. And my mother never lamented that her over-active gag reflex saddled her with my sallow, shapeless ass.”
“Of course I'll bury your mother with dignity and respect. What else would I do, park her in some forgotten corner of my golf resort to fertilize the lawn and then forget her like I did when I ditched her to follow my wandering pecker? I'm not some deranged sociopathic bastard, you know.”
“Of course I know how to stand like a real boy. I can do many things that human peoples can do, like drink water from a bottle, and play the invisible concertina at every one of my rallies. Who wants to hear an imaginary pirate shanty? I know them all!"
“My hands are perfectly proportionate to the body of a full grown man, which I totally am!”
Okay, so some of those are probably not things he's actually lied about. Can't a soul have a little fun at the expense of a burgeoning dictator in the making? Gotta get my tweaks in while I can, before he orders his hordes of flying monkeys to burn the world down because he lost again.