When pornography is objectifying, dehumanizing, and exploitative, that’s because it reflects rather than subverts the mores and norms of the patriarchal rape culture in which nearly all of it is produced. Depictions of sexual activities aren’t inherently that way any more than sex itself is. Depictions of sex, like all depictions of things, reflect the cultural context in which they are produced. There is subversive pornography that resists and outright challenges rape culture and patriarchal sensibilities about gender and sex.
And don’t pull some Audre Lorde bullshit and say such material is “erotic” rather than “pornographic”; we both know what you mean by “pornography” here, and it’s obvious you mean any depictions of sex, which you see as being inherently objectifying, exploitative, and dehumanizing when that is clearly not the case. Arguing semantics doesn’t work on me.
When you paint all pornography and male sexuality in a negative light, you are not “empowering” yourselves or “fighting” the patriarchy and rape culture you oppose. What you are doing, however, is echoing and reinforcing the basic morals, values, and axioms upon which they are built. Your criticisms of the patriarchal socialization of men are actually valid, as are your grievances with pornography and gay-male culture if you qualify both with “mainstream.”
However, the visceral, unnuanced misandrist mindset you approached these issues from is not valid. It is the result of not taking seriously the existence and significance of pornography and male sexuality that have been untainted by or liberated from the mores and norms of patriarchy and rape culture. Consequently, you digressed—and transgressed—into spewing the exact same easily deconstructed homophobic talking points about gay men that bigoted right-wing cishet people spew, so I have no sympathy for you. Go fuck yourselves, TERFs.